small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>Fuck an oompa loompa</strong>

Monday, December 15

Fuck an oompa loompa

Saturday night I was bored shitless, so against Michelle’s advice I went down to the Hurricane for a bit. Michelle talked to me about staying in till I got better but I was dying to get out of the house and shit. She thinks that staying on my case is gonna make me resent her but she’s more then earned the right to take me to task for shit, plus I know that she’s only looking out for me. Also its kind’a nice to have her bitch at me, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and shit. Which brings me to my fuckin hair and shit, I haven’t shaved in over two weeks and I look like an unkempt mop. Plus I got this thinning spot in the middle of my head that’s making me fuckin crazy. I’m all fucked up with the dumbass about what to do with it all.
Steve was pullin bar duty Saturday night and he had a movie playing on the big screen. The film of the night was “Bowling for Columbine”, and it was my first time seeing it. I’m not a big fan of Michael Moore by any means, if for nothing else he always looks like he just slept in his fuckin clothes and shit, and I’m sure he stinks like a thousand muthafucker’s, but I really “got” his movie. I personally own more weapons then your average drug dealer, but I keep em around for sentimental reasons, or because they’re pretty. Plus I live in Midtown Kansas City and a muthafucker can’t be too careful and shit. I mean if your ass didn’t know a shitting thing about me and got invited in for a seat on the ole couch, after looking around I imagine you’d be one jumpy muthafucker. But what I guess I’m sayin is that I’m not obsessed with em. And the last thing I’m gonna do is go out and start whacking on Whity and shit whilst running buck assed nekked down the fuckin street singing “Ole Man River”. Shit just ain’t in my disposition if you know what I’m sayin. But anyway like I was saying, I got his movie and he made some good points.
Then Steve put on “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”, another movie I’ve never seen. And judging from all the talk around the bar, I must be the only cocksucker in the free world that hasn’t seen it. Angela was sitting next to me and against my better wishes she kept up a running commentary and filled me in on the world of Willie Wonka. She knew all the names of the kids, Charlie Bucket, Augustus Gloop, and that little bitch Veruca Salt. And then she got all giddy and shit cause the stinkin Oompa Loompa’s were coming out, and when they started singin their stupid little song, she starts singing it to me. Then I look toward Steve and he’s mouthing the fuckin words, and as I look around the bar, everybody’s singing the muthafuckin Oompa Loompa song! It’s like a goddamn cult thing going on; everyone’s fixated on the TV whilst swaying too and fuckin fro, singing this stupid song.
“Oompa loompa doompety doo
I've got a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompety dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me

What do you get when you guzzle down sweets
Eating as much as an elephant eats
What are you at, getting terribly fat
What do you think will come of that
I don't like the look of it

Oompa loompa doompety da
If you're not greedy, you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa Doompety do
Doompety do”.


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