How much is that diving belt in the window?

On Christmas Eve the Man kicked us out early so I headed over to my mother’s for a bit. She was hanging out with my brother who’s in town for the holiday’s, and after talking with them for a bit I came on home and decided to take a short nappy nap before heading out for the night. Midtown Kansas City has been going thru a string of bar holdups for the last couple of months, the fuckin assholes doing it have been running into bars with guns drawn and robbing the bar along with the patrons. And with the Hurricane being a midtown bar, folks have been understandably on edge as of late. So that’s why when I got there I had to wait for Sonya to unlock the door to let me in, which was cool cause it’s all about being safe and shit. But not long after I got there more people started rolling in and it was business as usual. Michelle showed up then my pal Sara showed up which was a surprise cause I thought she was with her man out’a town doing the family thing. But she explained to me that her mother came in to town and they were supposed to drive out Christmas Eve day to meet up with everybody else but her mother came down ill and so there they were stuck at home unable to travel. So Sara came down to imbibe in a little Christmas Cheer whilst mom was at home resting.

By that time it was just me and Sara cause Michelle had split so after a bit Sara asked me to go with her to a party that some friends of ours were putting on. She grabbed up Matty as we headed out the door and we all squeezed into her caddy for the ride over. We got to the muthafucker and even though there were cars in the parking lot we couldn’t get anybody to come to the door. We were either early or everybody had passed out. So back to the bar we headed to review our plans for the rest of the evening.
After getting back Sara expressed her wishes to head home and I offered to drive her because after being in the car with her I wasn’t overly enthused by her driving skills. She insisted that she was good to drive but I told her I was gonna follow her home anyway. I followed her home and after she had parked I was gonna say goodnight but she asked me would I like to check out her hot tub. Now I knew that Sara and Cory had one put in some time ago and I had just enough Beam in me to take up on her offer. I was kind’a hesitant at first with her mom sick and all but Sara assured me that it’ll be cool since her mom knew me. So to the hot tub we went, damn this was a big muthafucker, Sara told me to get on in whilst she went and changed clothes.

Now here came the quandary, I’m not exactly one to keep a spare swimsuit on me so do I climb in buckassed nekked, or do I leave on the underwear? After a quick thought I left the underwear on and climbed in. Shortly after Sara came out in a bikini and climbed in with me. She showed me the best spot to sit and then she fired that bad boy up. All I know is that I have to get me one of those, I was being hit by jets of water in places I didn’t know I had, and it was all hot and steamy and bubbly and I was truly diggin it except for one small problem.

My fat ass floats like a fuckin bobber on a fishing line. Yeah, there I was mostly buckassed nekked sitting across from one of the hottest woman I know who’s dressed in this tiny swimsuit and all I could think about was “goddammit! Why can’t my fat ass stay down”? Every time I let go I surfaced like the fuckin Nautilus and shit. I swear I could imagine her neighbors going “hey honey, look at that big black bastard Sara has in the hot tub? Quick wake the kids, they have gots to see this. Watch watch, he’ll pop back up to the surface in a second or two. There she blows!” But it was cool, just not very sexy if you get my drift. Then the clarity moment came into play, that was when Sara had gone in to check on her mom and they both showed up at the side of the hot tub wearing nothing but bathrobes. As her mom was asking me how I’ve been and shit, it suddenly hit me that here I was in Sara’s hot tub buckassed nekked talking to Sara and her mom like we was at a Sunday go to church meeting. So after they both went back inside I hopped out and started putting on my clothes and shit. I had just pulled up my jeans when I heard a soft cough and there was Sara’s mom standing there holding out a towel. What was a brother to do except mumble thanks and get the rest of my shit on. After saying goodnight to Sara and her mom and helping shut the tub down I headed my wet ass on home.