small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table

Wednesday, March 24

I had to take off from work yesterday because of fucked up bout of insomnia. I’d gone to bed around my regular time but a couple of hours later I was still awake. Then it turned into a couple of more hours, then a couple of more. So when the fuckin alarm went off at five I was still awake. The bad thing about it is that I knew what caused it this time. I was dealing with some very personal issues earlier in the evening and when it came time for bed I just couldn’t shut the head off. It really sucks when your body is so tired that everything hurts, but the brain is still working overtime. I think I finally dozed off around nine that morning and slept till two. Insomnia’s been with me for years so it’s nothing new. It used to be the reason that I’d drink myself to sleep, cause that seemed to be the only way I could shut myself down enough to fall asleep. But that’s not healthy so I curtailed that shit. Then I had my doctor prescribe some shit to help me sleep, and they worked for a while but I really didn’t dig taking em cause you know, they were pills to put me to sleep and shit. It used to be that I’d suck it up and go on in to work. But as of late when it happens I just take the day off cause I know I wouldn’t be worth a shit to myself or anybody else. I wish I could explain better what’s fuckin with me so bad, but unfortunately some things I have to carry by myself. I’ll just say that perpetrating life sometimes catches up, and that’s when you realize that you’re all that you are.


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