country lovin

I read today where Bandit, a rare raccoon of the “goddamn that muthafucker’s huge” variety, died recently. Bandit weighed in at an amazing seventy-five fuckin pounds and according to Guinness World Records, he was the world’s record holder for giant ass raccoons. Incidentally, the name, “raccoon,” may have come from the Algonquin Indian word “arukun,” which means “he who scratches with his hands. Which is in reference to the raccoon’s odd little habit of washing their food before they eat. Hold it, it said he who scratches with his hands. That has nothing to do with washing shit does it? Fuck it, what do I know anyway?

"and the monkey flipped the switch"