small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>that darn cat</strong>

Saturday, May 8

that darn cat

I was sittin on the couch last night flipping channels when I hit upon a special about cats. Me being a lover of the furry little bastards, I decided to settle in and watch. Do you know that at four months cats are fully developed and all that they lack is age and experience? Who knew? It was a very cool show to watch and I learned a lot about cat’s I didn’t know before. They’re still psychotic little bitches but now I know more about em. I just think it’s amazing how much of ourselves we put into our relationships with cat’s and dogs. I’ve caught myself many times walkin past a dog or cat on the street and sayin hi. It just seems the thing to do. Dare I say………. even normal. And don’t even get me started on the times I’ve held conversations with my cat. Some years ago I read about an eighty year old lady getting busted for growin weed in her livin room. When the judge asked her why, she said her cat liked the smell. I totally dug that, it made all kinds of sense to me. I know I did crazy shit for my cat when he was around. One summer when I had the house on the Westside it got hotter then a muthafucker one day. I was draggin ass and so was the cat. It pained me to see him so hot and all so I devised a plan to cool him down. In the bathroom I had this real cool shower with these glass doors that enclosed it from the rest of the bathroom. So what I did was start the shower runnin with the cold water on, then grabbed up the cat, shut the shower doors and threw him in over the top. The little four fingered bastard, when he got wet he hit the shower doors so hard they cracked. When I let him out I had fifteen pounds of wet, pissed off bastard cat racing through the house like his balls were on fire. But between you me and the wall, I think he dug it. Then there was the day a friend of mine gave me some catnip, or I think it was. Around this time I had a roommate with a dog; the cat never really warmed to the dog and was always lookin for a reason to nark him out. No love lost, if you know what I mean. The chick that gave me the catnip told me it was home grown and that it’ll chill my cat out a bit. I put some inside this special cat ball and tossed it to my cat. He freaked me out. He started purring and humming and shit, and we just sat there in amazement watchin him. Out of a back room comes the dog to see what’s happening. He starts sniffing the cat whilst the cat’s rollin around on the floor purring. Next thing we see is the dog lickin the cats face and balls, and the cats poppin a stiffie. It was the funniest shit I’d ever seen, I thought for a moment the cat was gonna start blowin the damn dog on the spot. After a short while the cat got up and started down the stairs. He ended up fallin /stumbling down two flights. That was the end of that bullshit, but he never went after the dog again. Go figure. I remember when I had to get the fucker fixed. I took him down to the Vet and left him overnight. Man, did that change some things. When I picked him up he was still out of it, so I fixed him a nice place in the easy chair where he could rest and I could watch him. After a time he woke up, yawned, and started cleaning himself. I swear he washed himself then got this really fucked up look on his face. He looked up at the clock and did the whole thing over again, then rechecked the clock. He gave me a long hard look then turned his back and started checkin himself out. When he finally turned back around he was pissed. He just set there staring at me; wherever I went in the house there he was staring at me. This went on all day into the night. It started freakin me out. I used to let him sleep with me, but that night I started sleepin with the bedroom doors shut. says, "and the monkey flipped the switch"


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