that new car smell

Here in Kansas City, the powers that be have decided against all common sense to build a downtown arena. They seem to be under the fucked up misconception that if they build it, muthafucker’s will come. Shit, Kansas City needs a new downtown arena like I need a peehole where my fuckin naval sits. Hell, the city doesn’t use the fuckin shit it already. A few blocks away from where they plan to construct the new arena sits Municipal Auditorium. It’s an old school style arena that seats maybe twelve thousand muthafucker’s with not a bad seat in the house. And less then a mile away in what’s called the West Bottoms, sits Kemper Arena, a full service arena that seats about eighteen thousand muthafuckers. Plus least we forget, there’s giant ass Bartle Exposition Hall with nearly 400,000 square feet of column-free space sitting next fuckin door to the Municipal Auditorium. Also on the other side of town you gots Kauffman Stadium and Arrowhead Stadium for pro football and baseball and the occasional Monsters of Rock show. But the city leaders seem to be under the impression that the city’s missing out on a lot of things because we don’t have a spanking brand new faculty in which to hold shit. And they also think that by putting a new arena downtown, it’ll revitalize the downtown area which with the exception of a couple of strip joints and a few rock clubs, rolls up the carpet once the sun goes down. I donno, I might be wrong as a muthafucker and shit, but I think out civic/city leader’s need to pull their diddle fingers out of each other’s asses and look at some real facts. Like the fact that the new car smell in your arena doesn’t have shit to do with attracting whatever it is that the fuckin city wants to attract. If the truth be known, this town could build new arena’s out the ass, and it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Because you can’t attract muthafucker’s if you ain’t got the hotel space to put em, or the entertainment spots to amuse em. Kansas City sometimes reminds me of a chick just getting out on her own. She’s torn between leaving the warm arms of her small loving family and the fact that she wants to be independent and start flat-backing every swinging six in sight. “Hmmm, do I want to stay hometown Sue and be a good girl and stay true to my small town family values? Or do I wanna raise the roof and hit the town and take a chance on love and fuck around and be somebody, and act like the big city bitch I’ve always wanted to be”? Wow, kind of a fucked up analogy, but you get my drift. Anyway, like I was sayin, to attract conventions, to attract sport teams, to attract the Billy Joel’s, to attract Joe America and his ten kids, Kansas City needs to give em a reason to want to come here and spend their money. In short, show a muthafucker a good time. And once they’re here, Kansas City need to have the hotel’s to put em up in. Which means not hotels clear out in Bumfuck, Egypt and shit, where a muthafucker has to travel twenty miles just to take a decent shit. But places within the downtown/midtown areas. That’s what I think it’ll take to bring whatever it is that the city leader’s want to bring. Whatever the fuck that may be.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"