small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>random crap</strong>

Wednesday, June 16

random crap

I saw in the news where even after selling ass-loads of records and getting all those Grammy awards, Jack White says he still isn't sure what makes The White Stripes work. Now that’s one muthafucker I can sympathize with, cause I don’t know what makes the White Stripes work either. I try to be objective and fair, whilst at the same time hearing what folks I know have to say about em. But I just don’t get it. Maybe I’m too old school and shit, cause even though the cocksucker writes some good hooks, I can’t get past the horrible chick drummer. I mean goddamn it, if the bitch is gonna throw down on the drums and the bands just a two piece? Then I’d like to see her progress beyond the
“I’m so tired, (yawn) maybe I shouldn’t have taken all that Nyquil”
sound she’s putting out. Her brother/father/husband/lover/cousin/nephew-uncle/friend/son/demon spawn of the Dark Lord Seth at least seems to know his way around a guitar. But I just don’t get it.

The Surreal Life is coming out with its third season. This time around the show will showcase the talents of

1. Charo, the Spanish bombshell MILF who’s line “cuchi-cuchi is known the world over actually has a fuckin brain. Who knew that she’s an award winning classical guitarist? Here’s a Charo quote;
“I was 3 years old and I had a dog called Cuchillo, and when Cuchillo was happy he wiggled. When I was very young I copied him and I used to say 'como Cuchi, como Cuchi' - like Cuchi, like Cuchi. Everybody thought that it was very cute when I wiggled and say cuchi-cuchi, and they give me cookies and candy. Now, every time I say cuchi-cuchi, people give me money."

2. Dave Coulier was the cat on “Full House” and you can now catch his ass on Animal Planet showing funny animal clips. And I guess to keep his mangina in check he does what I’m sure is cutting edge stand-up comedy at comedy clubs and on HBO.

3. Public Enemy's Flava Flav is still a mystery to me. I dug him back in the day because he seemed so fresh and was a great sidekick to Chuck D in Public Enemy. But after all these years he’s still flyin the fuckin clocks. What the fuck is up with that, some kind of clock fetish I haven’t heard about yet? Plus the man always looks like he’s been dipped into the same vat of grease that Little Richard uses. Here’s a great Flava Flav blurb from the site Subway Stories.
“Yesterday, while waiting on a B, D, or Q train, an E train pulled up, and out walked a man with 3 small kids. He had to yell at one of them, because they were about to get stuck in the train. When i heard this voice, I immediately turned because I recognized it. Flava Flav (from Public Enemy) was in the proverbial house (or, in this case, on the train platform.) When he turned around, I almost laughed, not because he had this comical clock around his neck, but because all three of his kids had clocks around their necks. Quite a time keeping family he's got.”

4. Former New Kid on the Block Jordan Knight must be liked by somebody cause when I googled his fey ass, shit came back with almost 300.000 hits. But I say fuck him in his ass cause to access his website you have to buy a VIP card.

5. Brigitte Nielsen used to shebang Sly Stallone until he kicked her to the curb and shit, because I hear he developed a complex about her being two to three feet taller then he. I last saw Brigitte in a couple of Korn videos. And I loved her in Red Sonya with our boy Arnold, who you know tapped that tall ass.

6. First-season American Idol finalist Ryan Starr. Hmmmm, never saw the show and so I’m clueless about this muthafucker. Cool gay porn name though. Featuring “Gay sweaty ditch diggers in lust” Starring Dirk Bigistshaft and Ryan Starr! Watch Ryan Starr go;
“tisk tisk, I think for a guy that can lay fifteen inch pipe for eight hours stright in a dirty hole, you sure are finicky about using the same toothbrush”
. Double snap with a roundhouse swing.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


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