small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>sweating the small stuff</strong>

Friday, June 25

sweating the small stuff


I see where Vice President Dick Cheney dropped the infamous F-bomb on the Senate floor the other day. From what my many inside sources tell me, some Senator who’s name I didn’t get said hello to Cheney and ole Dick got all ghetto up on his ass. Apparently this particular Senator’s been getting into Cheney’s shit over the Halliburton fiasco, and when he spoke to Cheney, he got told to fuck off. I myself think that more muthafucker’s need their asses cussed out in Congress. A general clearing of the air so to speak. Hell, for shit and grins I sometimes watch the British Parliament on the BBC just to hear em go off on each other. Hearing a Senator call another a cum-bubble blowing skank cocksucker on the senate floor would definitely make me pay more attention to C-span.


And then you gots this fucker who while whilst working as a judge overseeing court proceedings and shit, got his hard-up ass busted using a cock pump on the Job. Or as it’s known across the counter, a male enhancement pump. For those of you not in the clear on what this particular device is, let me fill in the blanks. A cock-pump is a device made of clear plastic that slips over the ole cock & balls. One was featured in the very first Austin Power’s movie if I do recall correctly. But anyway you slip this thing over your Johnson and attached to the other end is a tube connected to a squeeze ball and valve, which you squeeze forcing the evacuation of the air in the tube. Thusly applying pressure to your penis thus making it swell, then you turn the valve releasing the pressure and do it all over again. Some types have a squeeze lever instead of a ball and the really good one’s plugged into the wall. I never quite got these things plus back in the hood we filled ours with water, which enhanced the feeling and made your shit look giant as a muthafucker inside the plastic tube. Cough cough, or at least that’s what my many inside sources tell me. Cough

Israeli-made bullets bought by the U.S. Army to plug a shortfall should be used for training only, not to fight Muslim guerrillas in Iraq and Afghanistan, U.S. lawmakers told Army generals on Thursday. Since the Army has other stockpiled ammunition, "by no means, under any circumstances should a round (from Israel) be utilized," said Rep. Neil Abercrombie of Hawaii, the top Democrat on a House of Representatives Armed Services subcommittee with jurisdiction over land forces. Although the Army should not have to worry about "political correctness," Abercrombie was making a valid point about the propaganda pitfalls of using Israeli rounds in the U.S.-declared war on terror, said Rep. Curt Weldon, the Pennsylvania Republican who chairs the subcommittee on tactical air and land forces. "There's a sensitivity that I think all of us recognize," Weldon told the Army witnesses, including Maj. Gen. Buford Blount, who led the U.S. Third Infantry Division that captured Baghdad in April 2003.
When did the Army grow a mangina? Don’t shoot the terrorist with Israeli made bullets? Cause what? It might piss the muthafuckers off?


And last but not least in a story that touched even my black jaded heart. This muthafucker up in Toronto turned himself in to the first cop he could because Sparks the dog told him too. According to my many inside sources, this unlit bulb muthafucker was riding around getting ready to kill as many people as he could. In his car was a 12-gauge shotgun, a bolt action rifle with a telescopic lens, a 9-mm semiautomatic, a machete, throwing knifes, camouflage ski mask, black leather gloves, and 6,296 fuckin rounds of ammunition. Damn, I guess after he ran out of bullets and shit he planned on Davy Crocketing muthafucker’s to death. But as he was sitting next to his car in a park loading up and wondering who to kill first, this stray dog came by and started playing with the crazed cocksucker. Who was a huge dog lover and figured out that if such a nice doggy lived in the area, then the people who lived there were too nice to kill and shit? So the bug-tit crazy bastard turned himself in to the first cop he could find. My many inside sources tell me the cops gave the dog a bone as an award.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"

3 Comments:

Blogger Brent said...

I agree, British Parliament is much more interesting to watch than Congress. A few knock-down, drag outs with profanity laced tirades in those hallowed halls would keep me watching all the time!! I happen to think Cheney's comments show he has a set, unlike some of his peers.
OH, and I was impressed by the amount of research you did in reference to male enhancement devices. You should be commended. Your expertise is inspiring to those of who use our hands for any type of "enhancement".

8:34 AM  
Blogger Satyavati devi dasi said...

Aren't those weenie pumps kinda dangerous? Just seems like it might give you a giant hickey or something.

10:18 PM  
Blogger Rusty said...

Sounds like that guy struck a nerve with Cheney.....*laughs* Good!!! More people need to be calling him and Bush out for this hustling bullshit that they're pulling........

8:07 AM  

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