sweatin the small stuff

Here’s another good reason why some (most) politicians need to have another doughnut and shut the fuck up. Up in Los Angeles the other day California State Education Secretary Richard Riordan showed how big his asshole was by busting the chops of a little girl. The little girl, who goes by the very cute name of Isis, was with her mom at a promotional event for summer reading at the Santa Barbara library. She skips up to Secretary Chucklenuts who was there as the guest of Gov. Arnold and tugged his jacket to get his attention then asked Senior Asshole did he know her name meant Egyptian goddess. This grown-up very wealthy politician then jokingly told the little girl who was just doing the little cute shit that little girls do that her name, Isis, meant "stupid dirty girl." According to my many inside sources, muthafucker’s in the room freaked while a camera crew filmed the whole conversation. To say a stunned hush went thru the crowd would be a very fuckin understatement. The little girl then repeated the meaning of her name to Riordan who could only choke out a “that’s nifty”. And in an interesting side note to all this, the California chapter of the NAACP is calling for Riordan’s resignation, even though there were no “colored” folk involved. I guess they figure if Riordan will stoop to calling a little white girl a stupid dirty girl in public, no telling what he calls the stinkin blacks and Mexicans behind their backs.


“A Burlingame, California man has filed a patent application for a video-equipped tombstone that will display a video message from the grave's occupant. " The hollow, talking tombstone will include a flat touch screen and will house a computer with a microchip memory or hard disc. It will be powered by electricity from the cemetery's lighting system”. I not sure if I’d dig this talking tombstone thing or not, but it would be cool to fuck with people from beyond the grave and shit. I can see it now, members of the family would come by to visit and the damn thing would start screaming at em.

“YOU’RE NOT MY FUCKING SON! MY SON DOESN’T TAKE IT UP THE ASS! MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW FUCKED ME IN THE BATHROOM OF THE CHURCH ON HER WEDDING DAY! Pssst, come closer and I’ll tell you where I stashed all my money. LOSER! I HAVE NO MONEY YOU FUCKIN WHORE! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME”!

“
Hey, you go and visit dad’s grave today? Yeah, and he’s still pissed”. Hmmm, maybe they ought to make that muthafucker bullet proof whilst they’re at it.


And in a “put your money where your mouth is” moment, ole Bill Crosby, who just the other day said black children are "going nowhere" because they don't know how to read and write and shit. Is pulling hand from pocket to pay for the college education of two black high school graduates who because of fucked up circumstances have had to make it on their own thru high school. There you go, talking the talk and walking the walk, glad to see Bill making up for all those Fat Albert cartoons.


And on the opposite end of cool shit, Lionel Richie is one of the headliners for this year's Reggae Sumfest, which takes place July 18-24 in Montego Bay. Fuck, muthafucker needs to be headlining a fundraiser to get his “oh my god I’m so stupid” daughter off the air.


And in international news: 5-foot-7, 132-pound Kobayashi, of Nagano, Japan, chunked down 53 ½ wieners in 12 minutes to shatter his own world record by three dogs. Once again the sinister Japanese have usurped their fat-ass American competitors to win back the coveted and mysterious Yellow Mustard Belt. Which goes to the winner of the yearly “that muthafucker ate how much shit in 12 minutes?” contest. Eric "Badlands" Booker, a 6-foot-4, 400-pound subway conductor from Long Island who came in fifth with 27 dogs expressed his sorrow that he lost out to the skinny Nippon champion.

“If I had gone ahead and passed on that Denny’s Hungryman breakfast or taken a bigger shit, I could’a been a contender”.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"