midget strippers, bums and the Rock

I really need to sit down and figure out why I insist on waking every morning at 4:30AM. I don’t need to be at the bus stop until 7:30 so why wake up so fuckin early, hell that’s at least two more hours of sleep I could be getting. But I guess in the long run it doesn’t really matter, what’s two hours sleep in the great scheme of things. This morning a local radio station the “Buzz” (doesn’t every city have a Buzz radio station by the way, what’s up with that?) was broadcasting live from the Hurricane, so since I had to walk past I stopped in to see what was going on. I’m not being judgmental but how can muthafucker’s drink so early in the fuckin morning? I walked in and all the cool kids were there sitting around the bar knocking em back like it was midnight. I talked to the bartender’s who told me that to be there so early they more or less stayed up all night, and later that day they all planned to go to OzzFest, which was starting up later that morning. I told em all to have fun and be careful then I headed out to the bus stop. But before I could get to the door I was stopped by a couple of girls I knew talking about Bridgett the midget coming to town. You know Bridgett, she’s that tiny little tattooed midget that does all the porn movies. Or at least that’s what my many inside sources tell me. But one of the girls went on to tell me about how some time ago they were at a strip club and two midget girls started stripping. From the way they put it the two midget stripper’s hands were so small that they couldn’t grip the brass pole so they started doing nekked cartwheels and other such shit. Now that just paints me a bad picture. As I walked out on the sidewalk I heard someone screaming my name and I looked across the street and there stood a gaggle of bums waving at me from Monkey Island wanting to know if it was cool to go in. I thought it over and gave em a shrug which they took as yes and as I sat down at the bus stop I watched a couple of em scamper across the street to the Hurricane’s front door. I lit a smoke and waited, and sure enough here they come backing out of the door. I didn’t think that shit would fly. Then as I’m sitting at the bus stop one of the Hurricane regulars who happened to be at the Broadway Coffee Shop decided he wanted to bring me a hot cup of coffee. Real nice guy but this is the second time he’s delivered coffee to me at the bus stop, so I asked him to stop. Not that I don’t dig the coffee but like you know.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"