more buckassed nekked cooking

You ever been shopping and shit at the grocery store, and suddenly get in a panic over what to get and the only person you can think of to call is your mother? Last night that was me all the way as I’m walking thru the grocery story with this giant cucumber in my hand. I knew what I wanted to make for dinner but of course as soon as I got there I totally flatlined and forget all the ingredients I needed. For almost fifteen minutes I stumbled around in a blind panic holding on to this fucking cucumber like it was a lifeline and shit. But finally the brain waves started up again and I put the cucumber back and got all the shit I needed. But as soon as I got home I did call my mother and ran shit past her. And thank god for that cause she set me stright on some things that kept me from fucking up. So once again I gathered myself together and sat down in front of the evening news and proceeded to do some shit. Now I know some of you are going to laugh but for dinner I was going to attempt tuna salad for the very first time. I fucking love tuna salad but when I buy it at the store it’s almost five bucks a pound. And when Cassie lived with me she used to make it for me but she’s gone, and I love my mother’s tuna salad but shit, she’s clear across town. So it was time for me to grow up and make do on my own. Plus after making the kick-ass salmon patties last week, my culinary confidence level was peaking pretty fuckin high. So in the kitchen I had eggs on boil, and I chopped and diced tart apples, celery, and an onion. And let me just say this, I still retain all my fingers and squiggly parts, cause you know how I do it. It’s all about buckassed nekked cooking. Hmmm, think that’ll ever make for a TV show?

“The Cooking Channel presents it’s newest culinary sensation! Cooking in the kitchen buckassed nekked with Greg”!

Yeah, lets all hold our breath for that one. Anyway I strained and dried the tuna and along with sweet relish threw all that shit into a bowl. As soon as the eggs cooled I peeled em up and after dicing threw them in along with mayonnaise and just a dollop of yellow mustard. Mixed all that shit together and goddammit to high water I had tuna salad. I think I made enough to last me a week. To my surprise it actually tasted real muthafuckin good. I was gonna slice up some red and green grapes to put in the mix but that seemed just a tad on the gay side so I didn’t. Not bad for my first time out, some days I do exceed my own expectations if I must say. I think next on my list I’ll have to try either a pot roast or chili. No beans of course.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"