small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>the other pink meat?</strong>

Monday, August 2

the other pink meat?


I think I’ll talk about normal shit for a while. I don’t know if it’s just me cause this ain’t the kind of thing I talk to other cats about. But like if I’m asleep and lying on my back and decide to roll over onto my stomach and shit? But I happened to have a hard-on from whatever the fuck I’m dreaming about, and I roll over on that muthafucker? And suddenly I’m wide-awake and scrabbling to get the weight of my impressively bulky ass off my dick? Well, does that shit happen to anyone else, or is it just me? I watched Starsky & Hutch last night with Michelle after dinner. It was ok I thought; I think I actually laughed at one scene. The ending was poobutt though with the original Starsky and Hutch showing up in this fucked up cameo. Michelle found it interesting when I told her how back in the day I used to sport the fly leisure suits. Had a yellow one that was brighter then a muthafucker. Shit, put that bad boy on over a black shirt with a red tie and zip up the brown platforms. Fuck, I was cleaner then a room full of clap doctors. I also had to fill her in on the white boy afro. You know back when all the hip white cats had the big perms and shit that looked like curly fro’s. Think Welcome back Kotter’s Sweathogs. Anyway I had a problem with Snoop playing the role of Huggy Bear. I swear that muthafucker’s reading his lines off a cardboard sign that’s being held just off camera. He makes Ice Cube look like fuckin Shakespeare.

I had dinner all done and out of the way before Michelle showed up. I rocked with my cock out for dinner if I must say cause I decided to make salmon patties. I was domesticated out like a muthafucker. I went to the grocery story to buy some of the shit I needed like celery and onions. Can I say how hard it is being single and buying shit like that? One onion, one green pepper, hell, I wanted to buy one celery stick but they didn’t come like that so I had to buy the package. But I got home and started chopping all that shit up and it was so cool. Excepting for the fact that I was buckassed nekked and sitting in front of the TV, I felt like Emeril Lagasse. Bam! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I fuckin kill myself. And I found out something I didn’t know. Salmon in the can has bones? The fuck? I had stopped by my mother’s to say hi, and when she found out what I was doing for dinner she mentioned not to forget to remove the bones. So when it came time to add the salmon I opened up the can and shook the contents onto a plate. And sure as shit when I pulled the salmon apart there in the middle was a complete backbone. What do they do? Just take the fuckin fish and after removing the head and tail just ram-jam it into a can? Seems kind of fucked up to me. And how do they make it last so long? I mean like the can I used must’a been on my shelf since Christmas and I think I’m all right?
"and the monkey flipped the switch"

7 Comments:

Blogger satyavati said...

I have SUCH a crush on Owen Wilson. He is like just too cute.

4:07 PM  
Blogger Brent said...

Greg, you are so damn funny! And just so you know, growing up my dad make salmon patties at least twice a month. I love them! I remember him opening up the can and letting me pick the bones off. They were soft, so sometimes (I was like 8 or 9) I would munch on them while getting the rest of the meat off.
And that sleeping and smashing your hard-on problem. I haven't found the secret to avoiding that yet. After 43 years, too!

7:17 PM  
Blogger Sapphire Raven said...

I will only say one thing then I am going to shut my mouth. So you say I have about let's say 25 to 150 more years of wakeing up with a stiff pecker.........Hey greg you remember that talking tombstone you talked about a while ago.....Aggghhhhhhh agh! Wooooooowaaagggghh all I asked was for three more extra inches on the top and the stiffed me. Now I have to lay here for the rest of eternity with my pecker stiff as a rock Grrrrrrrrrrrrr! On second thought. If I die with a hardon Im comeing back like a zombie from hell and screwing every one up the hole. No way I'm going out of this world with a stiffy. Come and get it baby.....LoL

8:09 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

OMG. Zombie porn!

7:12 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Hey, I thought Snoop was the best part about that whole damn movie. Well, except Carmen Electra and Amy Smart kissing. And that wasn't even all that great now that I think about it. So Snoop was definitely the best part, Greg. That's how Snoop always talks, dammit.

12:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what do you know anyway?

1:30 PM  
Blogger deborah said...

Funny. Thats the first post I've read am Im laffin' already. Not sure if I like the image of someone naked making salmon patties, but lets just put it down to entertainment. The bones of the salmon are actually good for you, and in the patties makes for iron or protein or something(??!!!)Add abit of mint chopped finally or dill next time ... is that getting to complicated even??

3:28 AM  

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