stalker kitty

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Sunday I pull into the back of my apartment from doing laundry and after getting my shit from the truck I head to my back door. I really wasn’t paying much attention because as soon as opened my door to step in this cat appeared from the clear fuckin blue and walked in like it was his keys that unlocked the door. The little furry fuck waltzed in and made a beeline for the couch and hopped on up and laid down like I owed his ass money. Now me being who I am did some quick thinking and said, “I don’t know you, get the fuck out’a my house”. But the cat just laid there looking at me like I had Friskies printed across my forehead and shit. After opening the door to my front porch I grabbed it and threw his little home invading ass outside and figured that was that. But instead of leaving he parked himself on the porch ledge and started talking shit to me. And if you’ve ever lived with a cat you know how they do. By that time Michelle dropped in to visit and I was telling her about the cat who by then had planted himself on my screen door. We’re sitting on the couch staring at it whilst it hung by all fours from my screen door staring in at us still talking shit. After a bit I noticed it had vanished from its post on my screen door and I figured it had given up. But then I saw this little furry paw poke thru my front window. I had a small hole in the screen and the muthafucker was trying to enlarge it so he could squeeze thru. Talk about your persistent furry bastards huh? With it being a nice day I had the door and windows open but because of stalker kitty I had to close all my shit up because he kept trying to get in. This cat was worse then a crackhead trying to break in. Michelle kept telling me that I should let it in but I nixed that idea because I’m not ready for that kind’a relationship again. Then today when I was telling Mito about it she told me I had no choice, that the cat looks like it’s made it’s mind up that he’s living with me wither I want him to or not. Like I said I’m not ready to live with a cat again, plus they’re some finicky little bitches. Love me, go away, love me, go away, love me go away. It’s like living with some chick with ten personalities except that she has sharp teeth and claws. I ain’t having it.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"