get your ass in the goddamned car

Saturday whilst me and Corey were doing the bike thing, we took and break and found some shade to hang out in. We noticed a commotion at the end of the parking lot and watched as this young cat tried to get this little girl into the back seat of a car. Then we watched as this older man tried to get the little girl into the back seat of the car. Then we watched as both men tried to get the little girl into the back seat of the car. For being so skinny and spindly she was doing a gangbuster job of kicking ass and preventing em from getting her in the car, cause the shit just wasn’t happening. And now before some of you start on me as to why didn’t we do something cause the little girl could have been getting kidnapped and shit. I’ll tell ya. Circling the lot every five minutes were cars containing park security for the Zoo and Starlight Theater whose parking lot we were in. And less then fifty feet away watching, sat me and Corey, both big guys plus my full-on cop bike in plain sight. So we kind’a figured that what we were watching wasn’t a kidnapping, but just a case of bad parenting. Though we did take note of the car’s plates in case we were both spitting in the wind. From what we could hear the two men were father and son, whilst the little girl was the daughter. The little girl didn’t want to get in the car with big bro and her pussie dad because apparently her mom was still walking around the zoo with the rest of their fucked up family and she wanted to go with her. So we sat there and watched as both men then one tried to put the little girl into the car, but with every try she fought em both off. Finally the pussie father tried to fake her out and pretended to drive off. The little girl wasn’t buying his shit and after crossing her arms turned her back and faced the zoo to wait for mom. The father and son came back and once more pleaded with the little girl to get in the car, and they even got her on the phone with mom. But to no avail cause now every time they tried she took off in a dead run. I told Corey that if we walked down and offered to buy the little girl I’d bet she climb her ass in the car. Corey was just amazed and figured what we were watching should be seen by everybody thinking of having kids. Cause what was going on at the end of the lot had to be the best form of birth control we’d ever seen. I figured that the father must have been one of those new age; don’t beat the kid kind of father. Cause during all this shit he never raised his voice but pleaded and begged for the little girl to get into the car. If that had been my father I would’a been dropped at the first no and hauled home like a dead deer from the hunt. I don’t know cause I’m not a parent, hell; I couldn’t even keep a cat around. But I think the father should have nutted up and put his little angel in a Russian arm bar until she climbed into the back seat. Anyway we saw a gang of people rushing up pushing strollers and shit. And as soon as the mother who happened to be part of that group open the door to the minivan the little girl hopped on in. With that kind of passive parenting I think there’s a brass pole in the little girl’s future. I’m just sayin.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"