sweatin the small stuff

Lets see what’s fucking up in the news around the country today that doesn’t include a shittin hurricane, hmmm; nobody’s getting caught by their sister fucking the dog like last week. Damn I hate when that happens, cause there ain’t nothing worse then when you’re getting your groove on slamming your balls against Fido’s hairy ass and down the basement stairs comes big sister with a load of laundry. But then again in some parts of the country that’s called a party. But lets get serious for a second here. I love cats and dogs as much as the next person, and don’t even get me started on cows, cause I can sit by the side of the road and stare at cows all day till they go home. But I don’t wanna ram jam my cock into one, and yeah I know what most of you are thinking.

“But Greg, wasn’t it the famous Roman armies that not only had ho's and shit tagging along behind em to service the troops but flocks of randy sheep to do the deed also?”

Yeah, that’s true but hell, this is the 21st century and shit, and you can’t be going around fucking pigs and dogs, it just ain’t kosher. Plus think about the kids’ goddammit. Anyway I see the toxicology reports came back on our boy Rick James. Lets see what kind of shit was old Rick imbibing, ……give me a moment to flip thru this muthafucker………. Ok, looks like beside the shit he was taking for pain, anxiety and heart failure, he had coke, vicodin, meth, a couple of valiums plus a few beers in his system and a diet Mountain Dew? Damn, good thing they ruled his death a result of heart failure huh? I see where the bright bulbs of fuckin knowledge that think of shit like this have figured out that just because you work as a clerk in a porn store doesn’t mean that you’re necessarily a freak and shit. Fuck, I could’a told em that. My hot little pal Tammi rented me porn for a long time and I know for a fact that she’s never watched it. And Michelle worked for a porn shop part-time for a few years and I know she’s not a freak. Well, not much of one, but then again she is my best friend which kind’a skews that around. But if you must know when I was just a youngster starting out on my own I thought working in a porn store would be the perfect job for me. Remember now this was back in the day when you had some real seedy muthafuckers frequenting porn stores and shit. And for a quarter you could go in back and watch Candy samples getting goat fucked by John Holmes. Some shops even kept toilet paper in the booths so a frisky cat could clean up after the movie. Not that I did that kind of shit, I just happened to hear about it from all my informed sources. I’m just sayin. You guy’s see where Shania Twain and her husband Mutt Lange brought over sixty thousand acres of land in New Zealand? Oh, and if you’re confused as to what the fuck is a New Zealand, it’s the place where all the Xena and Hercules shit was filmed along with all three Ring movies. You know the ones that had all the hobbits and Gandalf and shit. I’m just curious though, what the fuck does a cat do with sixty thousand acres of land? Now if it was me I’d have to start some kind of despotic religion or theme park and shit. “Mommy when do we get to Greg’s house? Fuck, we’ve been driving up his shittin driveway for 3 fuckin days, and I gots to pee.” And before I go I just read where Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are doing ads over in France for fuckin McDonalds. Didn’t one of those bitches just get done being treated for an eating disorder? She must’a took it to heart when somebody told her to eat a burger or two.

“Hi you little skinny rich bitch you! Cans you hook me up with a "Royale" with cheese please”?

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! I fuckin kill myself! "

and the monkey flipped the switch"