small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>sweatin the small stuff</strong>

Friday, September 24

sweatin the small stuff

I had to go to the emergency room last night so as a result I ended up not going to work today. Yeah, I had to have an emergency procedure to get the Man’s foot out of my ass where he’s been breaking it off all week. So today I’m gonna stay home and do shit for brain stuff and be a nekked blogger all day. I might even work up the energy to clean up my apartment, though to tell you the truth I’m not very inclined to do so. But I am going to shave today if I don’t do nothing else. I’ve let my hair grow out for the past few weeks and I look like hammered shit. Plus it’s odd how shaving the head makes me feel sexy and a muthafucker gots to know I need all the sexy I can get. But enough of me talking about feet in the ass and shaving, how abouts we sweat the small stuff for a while? I see that fat folks are up in arms against some of the airlines due to policy’s that insist that if you’re too fat to fit into the seat you need to buy a second one. To tell you the truth I don’t have a big problem with the airlines side. Being a plus sized person my damn self I know how fucked up it is flying and try to squeeze into one of those minus sized seats in some airplanes. Also with me being a person who is always aware of his surroundings and the impact I have on my surroundings, I always buy a second seat. The single seats are uncomfortable as it is and sitting so close that your arm is on the next person’s lap just ain’t cool. Plus the Man’s paying for it so why not? The big exception is Midwest airlines. They have these cool double wide leather seats that fit me perfect. So if you’re a fat-ass and bitching about suing the airlines cause they asked you to buy a second seat should just shut the fuck up.

And in the “idea’s that sounded cool but stupid as a muthafucker after you sober up” dept. Stamps. Com, the company that began offering personalized postage stamps last month. Have suddenly and without explanation put a ban on pictures of grown-up folk and the baggy pants wearing teenagers. It seems that people have been going nuts with photos of fucked up people. Unabomber Ted Kaczynski, communist spies Julius and Ethel Rosenberg and Monica Lewinsky's dress are just a few of the personalized stamps that got by the sharp eyed censors at the company before they wised up. You know when I first heard about this months ago I thought what a fucked up idea. Think of all the fucked up stamps that’ll start showing up on mail and shit. Titties and asses, Charlie Manson and fuckin Teletubbies and other fucked up shit like that. The camel toe series and my baby’s daddy series. What the fuck did the company expect? Talk about shutting the barn door after the horse gets out.

I read where some baby’s daddy is pissed to the moon because his son was caught in class wearing the baggy assed pants that show off his stinking underwear. The principle called the kid to the office and made the em pull em up and then wrapped duct tape around the kid’s waist to keep em up. Now the old man is upset that his son gonna be made fun of in school and shit. Ok, I talked about shit like this before. I’ve seen kids wearing pants so low that the belt is actually around the thighs. And the last thing I want to see is some kid’s stinkin underwear and skid marks. It looks like shit. Fuck that, fuck the father, fuck the kid and props to the principle for doing what she did. The father and the kid should shut the fuck up.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emergency room!?!?...What happened?

- Corey

3:08 PM  
Blogger Death said...

to remove the Man's foot from my ass? it's a joke. I'm fine as fuck

4:06 PM  
Blogger Berry said...

We had a similar incident here in NYC where a girl wore inappropriate clothes to school (jeans I believe). The mother tried to make a huge deal out of it but she f*ed up because the school was a charter school. The principal made the girls wear garbage bags until the mothers could bring the proper attire to the school (uniforms I am assuming). The parents tried to claim it was corporal punishment but again, they were in a charter school where they have their own set of regulations. These parents have no idea. We used to kneel on the floor to see if our skirts were long enough and if they weren't our mother's were called to pick us up from school. Not a good scene! BTW, I'm in my 30s!!!

8:25 PM  
Blogger Berry said...

BTW, that camel toe is some nasty stuff man!

8:25 PM  
Blogger deborah said...

You should make more trips to E.R.

And as for duct tape... shutting the fathers mouth shut would have been worth while.

10:03 PM  
Blogger TheBlackNewYorker said...

I can actually smell that camel toe picture. Ugh! That's how strongly seeing that pic has affected me.

9:58 PM  
Blogger Sapphire Raven said...


10:24 PM  

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