acting like a pig isn't sexy

I don’t litter, and as far as I’m concerned there’s no excuse for littering. I’ll throw shit on my floorboard or jam it into my pocket until I get to a fuckin trashcan. I think people who litter are self-concerned shallow pigs who wipe the shit out’a their asses with twigs. I think people whose kid’s litter should either beat em so bad that they’ll never do it again or let someone who doesn’t litter beat em. What the world needs is my high school math teacher Mr. Handy or my grade school English teacher Mr. Lewis. My math teacher had this fuckin Popeye looking double-jointed arm that was huger then a muthafucker. And he’d walk around with this big paddle that had big holes drilled in it and shit, so that when he hit you with it, the holes would suck all this extra ass-meat thru it and hurt like a cocksuckin bitch. He’d see you doing shit and sneak up on your young ass and suddenly you’re grabbing the fuckin floor and he’s swinging the paddle with that overgrown Popeye arm and lighting your ass up. And I can guaran-fuckin-tee that what ever you did that made him hit you never found open space in your stupid mind to nest after that. And Mr. Lewis’s thing was that he more or less shamed your ass out’a doing shit. If he caught you spitting on the playground he’d produce a clean white handkerchief and make you wipe it up. If you left gum on the seat he’d find you and make you clean all the desks in the class. If you threw trash on school property he’d make you walk the block picking up trash. So after a while it just became second nature not to do that shit. And if you got caught doing it again the look of disgust and shame he laid on you was enough to make you pussie up and beg for forgiveness. Think of it, instead of cops roaming the street we could recruit old teachers from back in the day. Some punk sits at the bus stop eating a burger when he decides to throw the sack to the curb with a trashcan just yards away. Suddenly here comes ole Mr. Handy with his freak Popeye arm making the cat grab shoe leather whilst detaching his ass from the rest of his body. Then after that Mr. Lewis rolls up and after calling the punk a scallywag and a ne’er-do-well and telling him that he needs a haircut and to pull his pants up, makes em walk the whole block picking up trash. I bet that’ll make muthafuckers stop that shit wouldn’t it? Word

"and the monkey flipped the switch"