for the kids, a special edition of sweatin the small stuff

image:turtleduck.org
Best fuck em; glad they’re not my kids, quote of the week.

"It's a good thing to see young people interested and excited about politics, but it’s obviously very disturbing to see this kind of violence over it."

This remark comes from the local distract attorney in Apple Valley, MN after three high-school student beat the crap out of another student after a classroom debate on politics. From what my many inside sources tell me, the conversation that lead to the ass kicking went somewhat like this.

Anyone here into Kerry is a cocksmoking fag!

“Am not!”
“Are too!”
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
“Am not!”
“Are too!”
“Dammit, we’re so kicking your ass”!

The three then produced a baseball bat and proceeded to kick the one kid’s ass like he owed em money.


image:filmfatale.org
And over in LA this little eleven year-old girl was kicked out of school for a week due to the fact that during recess she’d do cartwheels on the playground, and school officials decided that cartwheels were against the rules. Cause god forbid, what if some other kid with lesser skills tried to do one and hurt themselves? Can’t have the little crumb snatchers trying something new, now can we?

Hmmm, let me pull out my list here……………..no dodge ball…can’t be turning the little bed-wetter’s into aggressors and victims…check……no playing cowboys & Indians…can’t have the little fist-fuckers pretending to kill each other, and I think they want to be called Native Americans and shit…….check……no swinging from the jungle gym….oops…make note to self not to call it a jungle gym…can’t be upsetting all the Blacks….and I guess I better add no cartwheels to the list.

Seems to me this is the real pussiefication of America if you were to ask me. Fuckin tree huggin fucks. Let kids be kids why don’t you?


And in keeping with the spirit of killing teen spirit, the Secret Service was called in to investigate three high school students in Boulder, CO who wanted to do a reading of Bob Dylan's "Masters of War" during a school assembly. The insidious plan was narked out to some local talk show stations and the Secret Service by parents and students who were concerned over the songs lyrics. There were also rampant rumors that some of the lyrics were altered to include killing Bush. I guess it’s ok to play heavy metal and hard-core rap, and have the general IQ of buttered bread, but change the lyrics to a forty-year-old song and that gets you a personal visit from the Men in Black.


image:siggraph.org
And last but not by any means least, in sunny Miami cops were called to a grade school after a six-year-old boy freaked out and decided to hold the Principle and a security guard at bay with a piece of broken glass. The cops tried to talk the kid down but after determining that the kid was not only a threat to them but himself, took the only action they could. They blasted the six-year-old boy with a Taser containing fifty thousand volts. Yup, that did the trick, they tasered that muthafucker like the proverbial red headed stepchild and shit. The cops later said that by using the Taser they defused the situation without any harm coming to the child. I guess making the poor kid crap himself for a month after being hit with fifty thousand volts, and fucking his head up so bad that later in life he'll think raping old ladies in the allyway is light intertainment is ok. Goddamn, I’d hate to see the Miami-Dade cops when they’re not trying to help a muthafucker.

“Bam bam bam bam! Halt”!

"and the monkey flipped the switch"