small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>sweatin the small stuff</strong>

Friday, November 19

sweatin the small stuff
Not a whole hell of a lot in the news catching my eye today, also I’m still just a little bit out of sorts since Old Dirty Bastard died, sniff, but he’d want me to carry on no matter what. So in honor of Old Dirty Bastard who wanted to be here himself but unfortunately he’s dead, here’s this weeks edition of sweatin the small stuff, because ODB would’a wanted it that way. Sniff.

The Senate took their collective tongues out’a their cheeks long enough to damn the effects of porn on our everyday lives. Addiction to porn is destroying lives, the Senate said and they compared the effects of porn on the human brain to that of heroin or crack. Researchers that are into this kind of shit are calling on Congress to finance studies on porn addiction and to launch a massive public health campaign to alert the public to the dangers of looking at buckassed nekked muthafuckers on the web.
Now on a personal note
I know for a fact that Internet porn has affected many families on a personal basis. Back in the day before the Internet if a cat wanted to look at porn he had to either go to the local adult emporium and buy his shit off the magazine rack, or hit the seedy movie houses to get his pornilistic groove on. But with the onslaught of the Internet a lot of the old school magazines like Club, Juggs, Cheri, Gent, High Society, Genesis, and Players have seen sales drop by more then half. And because of this, families have seen dad or mom or little sister laid off. Families whose Christmas joy counted on daddy’s job in the print shop or mom and little sis posing before the camera. It’s a goddamn travesty I tell ya, because with the Internet in full effect and porn so available, muthafuckers don’t see the need to spend money on magazines. And I for one miss the enjoyment of lying in bed whilst relaxing and reading the articles that such magazines offered. Sitting at my desk at home just seems like too much work.
And in Bay City, Michigan, the local librarians are screaming out to jail the scofflaws! Which is a fancy dandy word for fuckups. They want the freedom to go after those that keep books out past their due date. You keep a library book out too long, and they want the worst offenders to face criminal charges plus jail time. Dammit, librarians have had enough and aren’t taking it anymore.
Now on a personal note
I can’t go to libraries because I enjoy books too much. I’ll read a book and months or years later I’ll feel the need to read it again and if I can’t get my hands on it at that exact moment I go fuckin ape shit. So as a result of this I don’t check books out from the library because I know for a fact I won’t be taking the muthafuckers back. And have you every talked to a librarian? My best friend is a librarian, and I know other people who are librarians, and I’m here to tell a muthafucker. They’re freaks, every single last one of em. Ass smacking, toe sucking, sexy lingerie under the clothes wearing freaks who want to take over the world. Some people think I work for the new world order? Shit, the Man ain’t got squat on librarians and all their secret societies. They sit behind their big desks wearing the sensible shoes and looking down on us thru their glasses. But trust me, they have their own agendas and are just marking time till they make the big move. Then we’re all their bitches. Remember you heard it here first.
And lastly, President Bush has raised conservative eyebrows over the past few days over his habit of kissing women in public. Hey, isn’t that how Clinton got his ass into trouble? Anyway the other day he kissed Condoleezza Rice twice when he nominated her for Secretary of State. And the next day he laid a wet one square on the lips of Margaret Spellings when he nominated her for Secretary of Education.
Now on a personal note
I don’t see what the big deal is. Both women are close friends of his and I think it’s cool that he can break from the mold enough to show affection for people he’s close too. That is until the scandal breaks and pictures show up on the Internet of Bush and Condoleezza in the piledriver position and Margaret doing an old school reach-around sporting the Doc Johnson duel head strap-on. I’m just sayin shit could happen.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Jessica said...

The very first story I ever published was for Club International, I remember it was called "Strangers on a Train" my pseudonym at that time was Joanna Pierce, and it came out in the February Edition I think it was 94, or 95...I forget which, now. My husband, some time later, got religion and tossed out all my copies of it, which still pisses me off and I'd like to find another, I really would.

But, after that, I did a fair amount of publishing and for a while was even paid to write forum letters. However, when internet porn really took off and everything was free, or very cheap, writers like me lost a lot of income, because there was just such a shrinking market.

I was paid 600 dollars for Strangers on a train, and while it was at best a paltry effort, I'm sentimentally attached because it was the first check I'd ever cashed after which I felt I could say, "Yeah, I'm a writer, kiss my ass."

Not sure, while I'm posting this, but I guess it's to say, that yes, the industry remains lucrative for a few, but that 600 dollars, or something like it, would make a difference at Christmas this year.

I bet it would for a lot of people.

12:17 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

In a totally unrelated note, someone said to me last night at work: "DAMN you have big titties girl" and for some reason, I instantly thought of you..
...probably just sleep deprivation but I thought I'd let you know.

4:05 PM  
Blogger Death said...

speaking of big titties Satyavati, don't you owe me something? eh? .........................................

4:13 PM  
Blogger Da Goldfish said...

I'm a big fan of porn. Be it written or pictorial, the people who create it are heroes in my book. But as a consumer, all the cheap porn out there on the Internet has been a revelation for me. I wouldn't want to go back to the old days, getting all embarrassed in the newsagents with my crappy softcore issue of Fiesta. At least you in the States get proper porn. Over here the hardcore stuff is still pretty difficult to get hold of. But on the Internet, it's everywhere. So hooray, I say!

And Jess, writers of porn/erotica deserve good money for what they do. Just wait until I start up my web-based porn empire, and come work for me!

6:02 PM  
Blogger Da Goldfish said...

And whose lives are destroyed by porn, exactly? What a pile of shit.

Oh, and librarians? I know from experience. Don't mess with 'em. They know where you live.

6:04 PM  

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