small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>Buffy</strong>

Tuesday, December 14

Buffy


I was checking out a friend’s blogsite where she admitted to getting turned on to Buffy the vampire slayer. I’ve been a fan of Buffy’s for years and used to mention her on the site to the point where I used to get kidded about hanging out with my imaginary TV friends. Here are a few of the many Buffy bits and pieces from the archives.
I can’t stand this shit. And you know what’s so ironic? Some of these are the same people that tell me and my ilk that porn or wrestling or God forbid watchin Buffy is bad for society. Pious bitches.

God bless Charlie Brown- God bless Charles Schultz’s- God bless all my friends for putting up with my shit- God bless Jim Beam- God bless the chicken- God bless my Cat who left me, I hope if he’s not dead he’s happy- God bless women- God bless breasts- God bless the stripper- God bless nurses- God bless Buffy the Vampire Slayer- God bless the Professional Wrestling

After work I rolled into the Cane to holler at S2R Steve and to see what he had on tap. He hit me with good news; the Russ Meyer movies he ordered were finally in. "BlackSnake", "Finders Keepers Lovers Weepers", "Lorna" and "UP!" Enjoying a Russ Meyers movie is akin to driving a twisting mountainous road at high speed, meaning it ain't for everybody. We watched a couple of the movies last night but Steve thinks that he wants to alert all the Fans and hold a Saturday afternoon viewing of all his films. As a matter of fact the movie got so good last night that I missed Buffy. But I think Buffy would understand.
It got kind of ugly one night when I heard this noise coming from the floor near the foot of the bed. I had a suspicion so I grabbed my camera and hit the lights. Damn, there they were. He was on top biting her on the neck banging the crap out of her. He never got over the fact that I showed the pictures to all my friends. We moved a year later. Don’t know what ever became of her, probably banging everything in sight. Bitch! But all in all we had a good time together. Like any couple we had the bad days with the good. I really miss him when Buffy’s on TV. He used to enjoy lying next to me with his head in my lap. I really do miss my cat.
Yeah, Tuesday’s afternoons are all about shit getting blown up and sweaty titties. The only problem is that I always leave before the first movies over, cause with me it’s all about Buffy, and I gots to get home and settled in front of the TV. You muthafucker’s need to hear this. Some of the crew was giving me guff about Buffy. A muthafucker needs to quit giving me shit about watching my show. Let the monkey boys laugh, a real man don’t need to explain his passions. Plus secretly I think half of them assholes tape it for later viewing if you ask me.
So last week on Buffy TV Spike dropped a dime on Buffy’s boyfriend Riley who’s been hanging out at vampire lairs getting sucked on by the chick vampires. This sent Buffy into a tizzy and she lost her nut and started killing everything in sight. Riley ended up leaving to go back to the army. Buffy’s all alone again, naturally.
I also got to see the final episode of Buffy. My friend Cheryl who also happens to be the wife of S2R Steve taped the final show for me. To make a long sad story short, Buffy saved the world but died in the process. She died like a little trouper, it was so gut wrenching. Oh, well, until October I guess.
I roll up to the front door and the first thing I see is one of the Westport cops patting this cat down outside the door, The cop and the hood both nod a greeting as I walk into the bar and who’s the first person I see? Oscar the big pinkass albino toothy muthafuckin Pit bull. Angela brought em to work to keep her company I guess. I find out that the cat getting frisked was caught shoplifting across the way and got busted in front of the bar. Stupid muthafucker, don’t he know that the cop’s cover Westport better then a fat chick eating cake? And he had to feel like a Springer reject getting frisked up against the Hurricane window by the Man while Oscar the huge pink Pit bull stared out at em bumpin up against the window. I settled down and started knockin back the coffee and around seven Angela turned on the rerun of the Buffy Musical, much to the chagrin of the other Hurricane patrons who weren’t really patrons but doormen and such. I asked if anyone wanted to change the channel but muthafuckers were too lazy to climb off the couch. So we all enjoyed Buffy.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"

1 Comments:

Blogger Da Goldfish said...

Amen to all that! Buffy was the BEST TV programme now or ever. I've got every single one of them down on tape, that and Angel too, and I don't care who knows it. I'm currently working my way through every episode, from 'Welcome to the Hellmouth' to the end. I'm halfway through season 4 at the moment.

But it's finished! there is no more! Who will protect us from the monsters now Buffy is gone?

6:15 PM  

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