small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>did I say that?</strong>

Wednesday, January 19

did I say that?


There are times when I’m reading over some of the shit I’ve written over the years and I come to the realization that I’m not quite right. Here’s some blog bites from over the years.
I can’t think of shit to write about. I’m drawing more blanks then a blind man in a porno store. (Hmmm. What’s that smell? I can’t quite put my finger on it) You know why blind people hardly ever parachute? It scares the shit out of the dog. Speakin of blind people, I used to know a blind stripper once. Gorgeous little girl, had to dance holding on to a piece of rope tied to the pole so that she wouldn’t fall off the stage. Yeah, she’d walk out with her pasties stuck on the wrong part of her tits and her gee string on backwards and off she’d go. She made a ton of money every night, go figure.

I wanna walk the earth. I wanna be one of those cat’s that travels the world meeting people and getting into adventures and shit. I wanna be the wind and go where ever it blows. But there’s only one problem with all of this, I not much on the talking. Maybe I can be the silent guy roaming the earth. Yeah that’s it; I’ll be a man of mystery. I’ll be known as the silent cat who roams. But I gotta do something about this not talking to strangers thing I got. I’d suck as a cabbie.

Sunday night at the Cane, C.C. Deville of ex-Poison “fame” preformed. The band was called Samantha 7. I was looking forward to hearing C.C. play again. Back in the day I found Poison kind’a fun to watch. So after hearing “the buzz” about his new band and how he had cleaned up and was “rocking” harder then ever, I really wanted to check him out. So I did. And he sucked. And he should have stayed on drugs. I even told him so.

I have a serious problem sleeping at times and the sleep depravation sometimes makes me do strange things. I spent the morning scrubbing my kitchen floor buck assed nekked and shit. I swear to GOD, if you had seen me you would have thought I was on crack or meth or some shit like that. Want to know a cool thing? If you don't have a mop, just put a large towel on the floor, get barefoot and step on the towel. Then you start doing like a choo choo train, shuffling your feet all over the floor.

In short, you suck you rude bastard! You all need to be pushed up against a brick wall and have baskets full of starved rats strapped to your fucking face. Maybe, just maybe, after an hour of this you might think twice before you scream at the waitress or bartender in the next bar or restaurant your dumb ass goes to.

I’m sad; I think I miss my cat. Whenever I hear the Counting Crows song “Long December” I can’t help thinking of all the good times we had together.

Best question from my mother, “how come you’ve never had a male roommate”? I’d tell her because the last thing I want to race to the bathroom in the morning is another hairy ass. Word.

I’ve seen the lesbian gang bang movies and they do everything to the pussy but feed it burgers. I’ve seen em slap it, whip it, beat it with a bat, hit it with a Black & Decker grinder and let’s not even consider the shit they cram up it. Hell, I’ve seen half the shit in my car trunk go up a woman’s pussy. And all they do is laugh and grin and wait for more. And they have the nerve to let us think we’re working that shit.

I’m walkin thru Westport and I found myself lookin into the window of a hair solon. It was full of uptight thin women and guys of questionable sexuality. I couldn’t help but think that this would be a great place for a drive-by. You know, run by and throw a bag full of cheeseburgers and dildos thru the front door. Talk about your massive carnage and destruction, shit’ll be crazier then a muthafucker. It’ll be nothing but chicks tryin to eat burgers and shove dildos up their cootchies whilst runnin with scissors.
"and the monkey flipped the switch"

3 Comments:

Blogger Sid said...

roflmao.

has anyone ever talked to you about getting help? You are too crazy.

7:04 PM  
Blogger Alexa said...

That's some funny shite.

10:01 PM  
Blogger sex scenes at starbucks said...

gold, baby, pure gold.

10:49 PM  

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