Just clearing the head of a few stray thoughts.

garlic festival


A Missouri senator, who apparently has never had a sexual thought in his life, or at least a non-gay one, is proposing amongst other things a “sin-tax here in our great state. This is an excerpt from the said bill in question.

SECTION 64.2540 –
This section defines numerous terms associated with sexually oriented businesses. The term “sexually oriented business” includes adult arcades, adult bookstores, adult novelty stores, adult video stores, adult cabarets, adult motels, adult motion picture theaters, adult theaters, escort agencies, nude model studios, and sexual encounter centers. An employee of a sexually oriented business must be 21 years of age as well as the person applying for the business's license.

SECTION 67.2542 –
This section requires sexually oriented businesses to pay a $5 admission tax for each person entering a sexually oriented business. The businesses shall pay the tax to the Department of Revenue and the money will be deposited into the "State Schools Money Fund".

This section also creates an adjusted gross receipts tax at a rate of twenty percent for all sexually oriented businesses. The taxes will be returned to the Department of Revenue and deposited into the state treasury to the credit of the state schools moneys fund.

This bill is wrong, and if it passes, it will put every sexually oriented business in the state “out of business”. Which is the least of my issues, my main issue is how fuckin dare you decide that you can think for me, and know what’s good for me. A tax paying adult, you pompous son of a bitch! What you’re doing is more or less deciding that if I decide to enter a strip bar, or an adult bookstore or want to walk into the porn section of the video store. That because YOU, you cocksuckers think it’s bad, I have to pay through the fucking nose for it. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

“God, I really hate these people. What would it hurt if I was to line each and every one of em up and smash a twenty-pound mallet betwixt the fucking eyes, really, what would it hurt? But that would make ma as bad as them wouldn’t it? I mean me making them pay a huge price and suffer because I don’t like the way they think. Right? But it would be so much fun.

And so I can end this day on a positive note, you gots your “Strawberry Days”, your “Garlic Festival” or whatever, because almost every small town in America has some sort of yearly celebration to show pride in something the town is known for. Then you got the city father’s of Gilbert, MN who seem to have the right idea for their town. They plan to put on the “and let’s hear a drum roll please”,

“the Gilbert Whorehouse Days”

Yessum Bob and Cooter, it seems that back in the day ole Gilbert, Minnesota was known far and wide for drinkin, gambling, and whoring. City father’s say that the festival and its name are meant to bring back a part of history, a part of history that made the town famous. The festival is planned for two days in July and includes a car show, antique fair and bank robbery reenactment, and few whores for the young’uns.

Oh, a final thought if you will. If I was a multimillion-dollar making football player and I was walking down the hall with a huge plate of chicken wings and the “team mother” showed up and took em away? That bitch better drop on her fat wrinkled knees and blow me. I don’t give a fuckity fuck fuck what kind of soup she’s shilling either. That bowl of soup better come with titties. I’m just sayin and all.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"