small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>sweatin the small stuff</strong>

Friday, January 14

sweatin the small stuff

Sorry for the lack of updates this week but I've had a very good reason for not doing so; I've been abed with the stupid cocksuckin flu. I can't remember the last time I've felt this fuckin sick, and the bad thing about it? I had a flu shot back in November and I still got the muthafucker. I have all the classic symptoms, the super sensitive skin, the deep gurgling breathing, the insane cough where the stomach muscles are racked from the pain. Plus my hearing and sense of smell are gone.

Not withstanding the fact that I'm so weak and shaky that a ten year old girl toting a pink Power Rangers backpack could kick my ass. But that's neither here nor there, let's see if I can at least muster up the strength to enter the world known as the World Wide Web and see who I can mock and ridicule in an effort to make myself feel better. This will be very short.

If there's every been any doubts that inbreeding and fucking your cousins makes you stupid, then Prince Harry, the young grandson of Queen Elizabeth who provoked outrage by wearing a Nazis swastika armband to a private party he attended is proof. Young Harry's behavior drew a storm of "what the fucks?" from around the world, coming two weeks before the Jan. 27 events to commemorate 60 years since the liberation of Auschwitz, the Nazis death camp. And of course we all remember those cheerful Nazis bastards as the same group that murdered six million Jews and millions of others including Poles, homosexuals, Soviet prisoners and Gypsies, whilst millions more were imprisoned or forced to work as slaves.

My many inside sources tell me that the royal family's considering invitations from Jewish groups to have Harry visit Auschwitz death camp to see for himself the atrocities that went on there and to learn more about the Holocaust. I think what the young muthafucker needs is to have his ass kicked by a few dozen Holocaust survivors for being so goddamned dumb.

And in a "what's new pussycat" moment, I'm told that the Pentagon was toying around with the idea of developing a host of non-lethal chemical weapons that would disrupt discipline and morale amongst enemy troops. One of the more interesting plans they had in the works was the development of an "aphrodisiac" chemical weapon that would make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other. Thus provoking widespread homosexual behavior among troops that would cause a "distasteful but completely non-lethal" blow to morale.

In short, the Pentagon wanted to develop a "gay" bomb. You know what the worst part is about that, I mean aside from the whole "let's make a gay bomb and shit?" you know the Army would test it first on some poor F-Troop muthafucker's. Just think, you're in the shape of your life full of knowledge training to fight for your country and you're asked to volunteer for some secret mission. Next thing you know you're hit with a smoke cloud and suddenly you're fashion conscious and wanting to beast hump sergeant York in the next tent. Talk about the red or blue pill, huh?

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Grey Biker said...

Take care of that flu. Hope you get to feeling better real soon.

4:56 PM  
Blogger Nightmare said...

I had that muthafuckin flu a month ago and I have never been as sick ever! it taks a full 3 weeks to recover.

Yeah I know I heal fast too, and I said the same still took 3 weeks. Lots a vitamins, juice and sleep...the only cure for the martian death flu!

5:22 PM  
Blogger sex scenes at starbucks said...

Take care of yourself, Death!!

3:10 PM  
Blogger Berry said...

Hope you feel better, Greg. Happy New Year.

3:33 PM  
Blogger Sapphire Raven said...

Get well soon.......Evermore

1:36 AM  
Blogger CW said...

"Blow to morale". Ha.

4:30 PM  

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