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Sometimes since I want to act like I fit in with the stinkin masses, how abouts I give a quick and dirty review of the Oscars from last night.

why are we clapping again?
What the fuck was up with Chris Rock getting the big standing ovation as he stepped to the stage? I’m happy as the next muthafucker that Chris is hosting the Oscars and shit, but I thought the standing ovation was a bit much. It’s not like homeboy just beat cancer or was over in Iraq fighting muthafuckers and shit. It reminded me of folks here in Kansas City, cause we’re known for giving standing ovations for anything. Piss in a stright line? You gets a standing-O. Be not of the black race and give the “I have a dream” speech? You gets the standing-O cause you go tiger.

not robin williams, just his back hair
Robin Williams giving the award for best-animated film. Not only is Robin Williams just odd, but he has to be one of hairiest men on the planet. Scientist for years have been searching for the so called missing link and shit, but do you think for one minute they would stop and check out that woolly mammoth muthafucker?

that's a huge rack
I only mention the Scientific and Technology Awards because Scarlett Johansson hosted them. There was one point where Scarlett was walking to the podium and even though she had stopped walking and was just standing there, her breasts kept moving for a full three minutes. I let out with an involuntary yelp, and Michelle who was sitting at my desk doing some work commented, “I told you she had the giant rack going on and shit”. Word.

hilary swank shopping
Hilary Swank won the award for best actress, and this is another chick that everybody raves over that I don’t get. She’s all jutting teeth and gangly bones and shit, as a matter of fact except for the not being black part she has that starving Ethiopian look down pat.

what's wrong with my hair?
Counting Crows did their song from the film “Shrek Two” live on stage. And here’s where I wanna make a few personal comments. First off is it two much for rock musicians to at least dress for the fuckin occasion? And what the fuck was up with Adam Duritz the lead singer’s hair? The cat had his hair done up just like Sideshow Bob from the fucking Simpsons. He was rocking the giant Rasta braids that curved stright up and shit. Michelle narked him out though when she told me that the shit’s supposed to be fake. But then she filled me in on that his ugly ass had succeeded in fucking two out of three “Friends”. Who knew?

fingering licking good
Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek were presenters. That was cool because over on HBO the movie "From Dusk till Dawn" was playing and I switched over in time to see Selma do her uber hot stripper thing in the Titty Twister.

I know it's not penelope, I just like looking at selma heyek
And is it just me or am I the only one that thinks Penelope Cruz is just odd looking? Watching her talk reminded me of the way Canadians are represented on South Park. Think about it.

your average russ meyer chick
They showcased all the famous people of film and screen who died during the year and I thought it was very cool that Russ Meyer was included in that group.

crocodile tears
Jamie Fox winning for best actor was cool; I dug this even though I haven’t seen any of the movies nominated including his. I did think his acceptance speech was a bunch of contrived shit. There was one point where I caught him peeking up during his fake assed crying to see the crowd’s reaction to his shit. But he is an actor so I guess he was acting.

punk, you lookin at me?
Million dollar baby won best film and I thought that was cool for EastWood and Freeman cause it showed that the old cats rocked.

Damn, this post was just like the Oscars, long and boring.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"