small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>from the archives</strong>

Tuesday, March 15

from the archives

greg will come in from stage right after you drop the soap

A few things about me.

After I wake up in the morning I lay there for at least ten minutes doing a body check. Please don’t ask me what I’m checkin for. I love old musicals. I’m a trivia freak. I know more about nothing then most folk. At one time in my life most of my peer group was made up of pimps, musicians and drug dealers. I’ve been shot at twice, cut more then once and had my right eye stabbed out in a bar fight. I think hookers are highly misunderstood. I cried when as a kid I found out that you couldn’t believe everything you read. Monster movies scare me. Stephen King books scare me. Horror movies scare me. Bears scare me. I dream about everything I see on TV or read that’s scary. I’m smarter then I look. I’ve past the tests to join at least two high IQ clubs but I don’t see the need.

Dogs and cats think I’m one of them, after being gone almost seven years I still miss my cat. I don’t like talkin on the phone cause my attention starts to wonder. I once sponsored a girl’s softball team. When I was in high school I was a cheerleader for the girls volleyball team. The cheerleaders also got to rub the girls down before and after the game. I have a serious problem remembering names. But I can recognize a person from far off or in the dark just from watching the way they walk. The dumbest thing I’ve ever done was to sell my house. I hate high fives. Just because I’m not smiling doesn’t mean I’m in a bad mood. I find constantly happy people off-putting. I started bouncing in bars to prove to myself that I was as tough as my father. I’ve been in over seven thousand violent incidents working in bars where serious physicality was involved. I still feel bad about people I’ve hurt in bars. I hate boxing. I hate seeing people hurting themselves.

I was once accused of being a warlock. I’ve been accused of being involved in porn. I’ve been accused of being a nark. I almost became a pro wrestler in the eighties. I once jumped off a second story balcony to see what it felt like. Heights scare the shit out of me. I hate being up high cause I always want to jump. First time I ever got a blowjob I got punched in the nutsac. That’s what I got for laughing. (It tickled) First time I ever ate pussy I got kicked in the nutsac. That’s what I get for smelling my food. The first breast I ever saw was on Monty Python’s Flying Circes. I’ve worked hard ever since to see more. I’m shy. I very seldom lie. And if I do it’s only to keep people from being hurt. I’m insanely trustworthy. They wouldn’t let me in the Cub Scouts as a kid because I was back.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


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