small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>handy-stitch</strong>

Monday, March 7

handy-stitch


crappy non-working piece of shit

I don’t know if it’s due to my crappy weekend or the fact that the “Handy Stitch” I brought on line some time back is such a piece of shit. But if my mood today gets any darker I’ll have to deny responsibility for any actions I might take. I don’t really want to talk about it but I will talk about the fuckin “ piece of shit that attempts to pass it’s self off as a sewing machine that as soon as I get home I’m gonna place it under the rear wheels of my car and back repeatedly over the muthafucker. I saw this piece of shit one night whilst watching TV and I was so impressed with it that I called Michelle and talked to her about it. The Handy Stitch is a small battery powered sewing machine no bigger then your shoe that you’re supposed to use all one-handed and shit to sew stuff up. On the commercials they were showing old ladies using the muthafucker to whip up drapes and shit, so since I’m always fuckin shit up I figured lets get one. I got the piece of shit in the mail a few days later and took it out of the box to give it a look-see and all that. The first thing I noticed is that it came pre-threaded from the factory and also came with a shitload of various thread and accessories. I couldn’t wait to try it out so I grabbed an old shirt that had a rip in it and tried to sew the muthafucker up. The piece of shit sewed exactly two inches then the thread broke. No big deal I thought, I’m not a stupid man, I’ll just re-thread it and continue on. Well, that’s the catch, I don’t care if you’re Albert muthafuckin Einstein, it can’t be done. I tried, Michelle tried and I even brought the piece of shit to work for people here to try. I’ve gone online to search shit out and even logged in some sewing forums to see if somebody could help me out. Late one night whilst searching I did find one chick who said that it couldn’t be done and that she put her foot thru hers, because once you try to re-thread it you’re fucked. But I figured I give it another try this weekend cause like I said, I consider myself a smart man and how hard could it be? I tried Saturday and I tried Sunday and couldn’t make it happen. So when I get off work and get home, I am so gonna kill that piece of shit muthafucker.
"and the monkey flipped the switch"

4 Comments:

Anonymous tara said...

OMG. I bought it too! It's more trouble than taking said ripped item over to my moms for her to sew. We should have a handy stitch party, so we can all learn how to use the damn thing.

2:16 PM  
Blogger me said...

Greg and Tara, I don't think it's a matter of being dumb or not knowing how to do it, I think it's just a piece of shit!!! My mom thought it would be a neat little gadget to have around and when she called to order it, she could get a special deal at the time for ordering more than one, so she ordered one for herself, and one for my sister and I as well. So now we have 3 of those damn things that won't work, not one of them!!! Maybe we should contact the Better Business Bureau or some shit about this and get our money back!

7:19 PM  
Blogger Belle said...

I'm a bit disappointed because my grandma just gave me hers brand spanking new. I'm still a little excited...maybe one out the millions that were produced works???

12:30 PM  
Blogger UncleWendy said...

I guess it's a day late and a dollar short, but I will offer advice in hopes that someone found this blog the same way I did...looking online for directions to rethread their Handy Stitch.

First of all, I'm no sewing whiz. Mine still had instructions with it, and though they weren't the best, they pretty much did the trick as far as changing the bobbin was concerned. But I got very stuck at the part about rethreading the needle! The needle's eye is tiny and you have to get the thread through it from the back toward the front. This is difficult because of the small area you have to work with. It's hard to see and maneuver in a small obstructed space. After trying for 15 minutes (which is enough to turn anyone violent) and Googling for solutions on the Internet, I went back to the instructions and gave some thought to the 'needle threader' that came with the Handi Stitch. No way could this thing fit in the needle while the needle is still in the machine.

“Ah ha!” Take the needle off and thread it, then reinsert it into the Handi-Stitch and you're good to go.

In order to get as far as I did when I had my "ah ha" moment, you'd need to follow the first four steps before that, which would be impossible without the printed directions. I'll write them out on my blog to spare you since you’ve already pulverized your Handy Stitch and just hearing this is probably making you dry heave, but like I said, I found your blog trying to solve this mystery so I thought I would share.

If you still need help, contact me directly and I can try to help you through it.

See my blog for more.
Thanks,
UncleWendy

10:01 PM  

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