small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: <strong>sweatin the small stuff</strong>

Friday, March 25

sweatin the small stuff

Just a thought here, but if you’re a married man with kids, and in the middle of finger bangin your mistress, don’t fall asleep. Because you might wake up with your wedding ring stuck on your dick, which is what happened to this cat over in Europe recently. According to my many inside sources, this cat was doing the humpty-hump dance with this chick he sees on the side and fell asleep during sex. So she gets pissed and pulls off his wedding ring and slips it on his cock and the cat had to go the ER to get it removed. Now I beg to differ here, but I doubt that the cat falling asleep is what pissed her off. What probably pissed her off was getting fucked by some cat with a dick no wider then his finger? I mean really now, I want every married man reading this post to stop and take off their wedding ring and try to slip it over old Mr. Wingnut. Hell I have huge hands and I can’t get any of my rings over my cock, thank you very much. I’m just sayin and shit.

And over in Japan there’s this huge fight going on in the tradition bound world of Sumo wrestling. It seems that some of the younger Sumo wrestlers are a tad on the shy side and instead of hitting the ring wearing the traditional “mawashi”, the big diaper looking thingie, they want to wear short pants. According to my many inside sources who apparently are burning up their frequent flyer miles. The numbers of youngsters joining the ranks of the Sumo are dwindling every year and the reason is that besides being shy and shit, they don’t think the mawashi make em look cool.

Now not being Japanese and shit here’s my thought’s on this issue. Fuck em. C’mon, Sumo is all about big fat almost nekked cats in diapers trying to throw each other out of the ring. If the stinkin kids are too shy to wear the proper shit then they wouldn’t make a good Sumo anyway. And as far as the cool issue, I hear the Japanese chicks love that shit. That’s what’s wrong with the world today; nobody wants to respect tradition anymore. You wanna be a fuckin cowboy, then you better wear the fuckin cowboy hat. You gonna roll with the Mob, then you better be wearin the shiny suit. You don’t cry in baseball, kiss a hooker on the lips or wear bicycle shorts into the Sumo ring. Some people’s kids. Fuck em.

And in the “give me a fuckin break” department, this chick is raising a stink over the fact that her local bus company has barred her from using their Call-A-Ride-Program. And here’s where you might ask yourself why can’t she use the local Call-A-Ride-Program? Well I’ll tell you, first off the chick is popping the scales at over five hundred pounds, and that’s before she climbs her fat ass into her wheelchair, which kicks it up to almost six hundred fifty pounds. The buses the ride program uses has lifts for the handicapped and shit but they’re safety rated for only six hundred pounds which is guideline set by the Americans with Disabilities Act. So they had to tell the chick to stay her large ass off their buses.

But the woman sees herself being discriminated against for being fat and has enlisted the help of the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) to help her out because they say that rulings like this can be dangerous and lead to social, emotional and more physical problems. First off who the fuck knew that fat people had a fuckin union? Nobody ever tells me shit, not that I would wanna drink their Kool-Aid in the first place. It’s just that you do for some people and they’re never cool with anything. Muthafucker’s made shit that would work with a certain weight and shit, cause who know that six hundred fuckin pounds wasn’t enough. It’s not like muthafucker’s could pull their local census data and go “hey Bob, better make those door specs wider and that lift capable of another two hundred pounds. According to the database here we got this chick that’s hitting well over six hundred large”.

And in closing out this edition I’d like to preface this with that I’ve been aware of the Terri Schiavo situation since the mid nineties I think. And I’ve been all over the news as of late revisiting all the shit dealing with Terri Schiavo along with watching a very informative special on the A&E channel last night that dealt with her. I’ve visited every blog on my blogroll to see what thought’s they had on what’s going on and I’ve even had a spirited debate on this site over the subject. And after reading and watching all I can on the subject and hearing and watching folks argue with each other in the spirit of “national dialogue” and shit. It’s all come down to this song I can’t get out of my head. Take it as you will.
I could wile away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain
And my head I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain

I'd unravel any riddle
For any individ'le
In trouble or in pain

With the thoughts you'd be thinkin'
You could be another Lincoln
If you only had a brain

Oh, I would tell you why
The ocean's near the shore
I could think of things I never thunk before
And then I'd sit and think some more

I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Rusty said...

Does this imply that you tried at one time to put one of your rings on Mr. Wingnut??? HA!

9:14 AM  
Blogger Berry said...

You said a mouthful. Have a great week Greg.

6:53 PM  
Blogger pc93 said...

Mae Magouirk safe for now. See Tekgnosis for further details.

Tell the Media to report the REAL Schiavo polls!

My account, etc. of Terri Schindler's Funeral Mass:

Main page:

11:28 PM  

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