mighty tasty

It’s been said that you kind’a get a sense of the oncoming apocalypse when you look around and see that the best rapper in America is a white cat, the best golfer in the world is a black man and black folk are all in arms and shit protesting a fried chicken franchise.

I’m talking about how long time PETA advisor hip-hop magnate Russell Simmons and the always in the news Reverend Al Sharpton have thrown their considerable weight behind PETA’s ongoing fight against the fried chicken giant, Kentucky Fried Chicken. PETA’s been all over KFC’s ass about the way they kill the stupid chickens, which seems to consist of throwing the still live birds into a scalding hot defeathering tank. And for years KFC has refused to meet with PETA, who now in an effort to force shit to the table has enlisted the services of Simmons and Sharpton.

Simmons who’s well respected in the hip-hop community and who’s brokered peace talks between many a feuding rapper, has been in top-secret negotiations betwixt PETA and KFC. Whilst Sharpton’s been setting up outside inner city KFC’s screening a PETA video showing chickens going to their deaths. Now showing chickens going to their deaths in front of a bunch of inner city black folk has freaked out all the KFC bigwigs who in exchange for Sharpton stopping his shit have sent a plane full of executives to meet With PETA in New York City. And if some kind of agreement between PETA and KFC isn’t reached, PETA says that they’ll escalate some shit and up their chicken killin propaganda against KFC.

You know, on a personal note I watched some shit on the TV about chickens a few months ago which enforced my lifelong suspicions that chickens are really really stupid and more importantly, it’s a fuckin chicken. We’re not talking feeding tubes or world peace or educating the stupid here or starving kids in Africa and shit. We’re talking about stupid chickens that are eaten for food. I remember this show on the Discovery Channel I think about these families relocated to the wilderness to live like people lived in settler times. This one family had to grow their own food, milk the cows and shit like that to survive.

One of the best parts of the show featured this little boy around ten years old whose sole job was to feed the chickens and retrieve any eggs they laid. Well, against his father’s advice he adopted one of the stinkin chickens as a pet. He named the muthafucker and took it on longs walks and all that good shit. Then came the day when it came time to kill one of the chickens for supper and in front of the kid the father laid said chicken over a stump and chopped off his fuckin head. The kid lost his fuckin mind but the father not only said that he told him so, but that evening as the family sat around the dinner table, the father made sure that the kid cleaned his plate.

Now some people might see this as a huge cruel act, but I saw it as a hard lesson learned. The father told the kid over and over again that it a fuckin chicken, not a pet. And the time will come when it’s the chicken’s turn to do it’s chickenly duty and feed the family. PETA’s fight against KFC on how they kill the stupid chickens is bullshit. Chop their heads off; throw em into boiling water, shotgun the muthafuckers, choke em out. It’s just what I think, but it's a fuckin chicken, let it go.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"