small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: more balls then brains

Thursday, April 14

more balls then brains

who’s yer daddy?

best friend quote of the week.
“Cuddly creatures deserve a humane death while "stupid animals" don’t?
My best pal Michelle commenting on one of my posts talkin about PETA vs KFC.

Every person reading this is guilty of doing stupid shit. At one time or other we’ve all done something that’s given someone cause to say, “goddamn, that’s a stupid muthafucker” And if they haven’t said it, we all know the look that means it. Now unless you’re truly gifted in a short bus kind of way none of us ever plan on doing stupid things, but shit’s just gonna happen. Oh, and I know there’s people that get paid to be stupid such as clowns, comics, actors and certain politicians. But for right now we’re gonna stick with the recreational stupid, or what’s better known as “most of us”. And just to be nice and because they’re so cute, let’s leave the womenfolk out of this one.

When it comes to guys and being stupid there’s an old saying; “more balls then brains”. This saying usually results in much laughter and pain or death for the parties involved. Take the bright bulb that figured he could catch a mess of catfish by throwing poison into the river. Ole Brainiac caught a lot of fish all right, but died when he ate all that poisoned food. This was a true story by the way. Or how about the time back in the day when I convinced my father I knew how to ride a motorcycle. I never rode a bike in my life and ended up crashing the old man’s new bike into a tree. That made for more then a few stressful family dinners, and even though it’s been years and he’s dead, he’s probably still pissed. Which come to think of it might explain a few things.

But this one has to rank as one of my personal favorites. I used to live near this small park in midtown, and one day I was taking a walk around the park when I noticed this scraggly looking black cat hiding behind some bushes. I hung back to see what he was doing, and I saw that he was watching this chick off a ways who was walking her dog. Now I’ve always been a firm believer in the special bond between a girl and her dog, especially if the dog’s male. Cause a muthafuckers’ gots to know, if a chick has a dog and if the dog’s swinging six, as far as that dog’s concerned, that’s his bitch. And I pity the stupid muthafucker who tries to come between him and what he thinks is his.

Well, guess what? Yep, ole crackhead jumped out of the fuckin bushes and went after the chick. He started running toward her, and as she spotted him all she did was drop the leash. When she dropped the leash the shittin dog took off so fast after the cat that you’d thought she fired his ass out of a gun. The guy saw nothing but a snarling mess of teeth coming his way and just lost his goddamn mind, he’s all screaming and shit, flailing his arms like a freak whilst running for the closest tree. I swear that when the cop’s showed up the stupid fuck was still in the tree crying. I don’t know, what did he think the dog was gonna do while he assaulted the girl, just sit there and lick his balls?

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Yep...that was stoopid. Even the smallest dog, esp. male, will protect a female.

10:48 AM  
Blogger Surfie said...

Dood, you crack me up every day. Keep 'em coming.

10:58 AM  
Anonymous John Bersuch said...

i love dogs. If I was a girl, I would have a little pug. A man running up to me to assault my ass would have to step over my snarling pug. It wouldn't be pretty.

11:34 AM  
Blogger the stranger said...

ha. my political science professor shared this story of stupidity today:

"a man told me that his spiritual advisor recieved divine knowledge, the word of god, when he visited the sun.

wha? wouldn't your spiritual advisor get burnt up if he visited the sun?

'no fool,' he told me, 'he went at night.'"

1:48 PM  

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