reboot and dirty little church monkeys

isn't she pretty?

Just a friendly reminder...In a few weeks, cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sale calls. YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THESE CALLS...To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone:(888) 382-1222. It is the “National Do Not Call” list. It will only take a minute of your time. It blocks your number for five (5) years.Also, you can sign up via the Internet at www.donotcall.gov Please pass this muthafuckin tidbit of information on to all your friends.

This has been a fuckin public service announcement from Death’s Door. We now return to our regular brand of odoriferous bullshit

After studying some shit on the fuckin Internet and checking out the advice of some of my more learned readers, I’m happy to announce that my computer is now working. As I type this it’s sitting next to me humming like a retard eatin a snowcone and emitting its normal blue neon glow. I was able last night after a half dozen tries to get it into safe-mode, and after doing so I ran all my software one at a time thru Window’s compatibility wizard. Everything came up five by five except for my Norton antivirus software, so that muthafucker got deleted from the system. Afterwards I rebooted and watched holding my breath as everything came up right as rain. It seems that I was running an older version of Norton and it was conflicting with the stinkin SP2 patch that came with my new edition of Window’s XP Pro, and that’s what was causing it to reboot all the goddamned time. I don’t know or want to understand all the particulars involved, I’m just happy that the cocksuckers working like it should.

Every morning at the coffeshop there’s this couple I can’t help but pay attention too. They always arrive in separate cars a few minutes apart so I’m assuming they don’t live together. The guy half with the exception of the gay beard thing he’s sports, is more or less normal lookin and the chick half is this little bitty thing that just smokes. From the time they greet each other and go stand in line to put in their elaborate fancy coffee order, the two are either hugging each other or holding hands and whispering shit into each other’s ears. So again with all that I assume they’re dating but not living together. But anyway, what besides the chick being all uber hot and shit, the thing that makes me pay attention are the big ass bibles the both of em are always toting around. And me with my over imaginative imagination, I can’t help but think that something’s going on here.

Like that the coffeshop thing is part of some weird illicit triangle where the two of them have to meet every morning in secret far from their churchly suburban roots. Cause I’m thinking here that for some reason they’re keeping their love secret and safe from the prying eyes of the church that they both seem to love. As the huge bibles they both drag around seem to attest too. And as I sit there sipping on my delicious coffee, black with cream, two sugars, and cinnamon sprinkled on top with a pinch of chocolate. I can’t help but imagine this dialogue going on at the table across the room.

Donald I love you almost as much as I love the Lord…………

Nancy I love you almost as I love the Lord too…………..

But Donald, how much longer must we keep our love secret? Except from the Lord I mean since you know he’s all seeing……….

I just don’t know Nancy…..what….all seeing?……..

You mean when in the shower this morning and I was thinking about you the Lord saw me abuse unto myself?…………..

Oh Donald, don’t you know that masturbation is a sin in the eyes of the Lord? And didn’t we both promise to keep ourselves chaste until our wedding night?…………

Nancy I know, I know, but unlike our lord I’m just a man. A man with humanly urges and desires, and sometimes I just forget and find myself thinking of you……………..

Yes Donald?….......

Thinking of you nekked and wearing nothing but that cute little nun’s hat you wore to the church Halloween social. And my hands cupping your pert breasts and kneading them like the bread your mom bakes for Sunday dinner………..

Oh Donald!……..

Oh Nancy!………

Oh Donald!………..

Oh Nancy!……….

Same time in the morning Nancy?……………

Yes Donald...........

Hey, it could happen like that.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"