small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: sweatin the small stuff

Friday, April 29

sweatin the small stuff

The shit people talk about on a public bus always amazes the fuck out’a me, or the shit people talk about during a cellphone conversation. What is it about these two things that make people forget that everyone within a one-block radius can hear the conversation? I’m the bus heading home yesterday and there’s this fat skank in the back of the bus describing in a loud voice to the cat with her how the various lockups in the area compare to each other and what she did to get into em. And can I add that when this chick got off the bus all I could think of was, oh my god, to think somebody’s fuckin that.

Then there’s the cat who answers his cellphone. “HI, YEAH, I CAN TALK, I’M ON THE BUS. WHAT, YOU NEED MY ADDRESS TO COME OVER AND SCORE? OK……..” Where do all these mouth breathing muthafuckers come from and how do they live long enough to breed being so goddamn stupid? Anyway, I’m dedicating this edition of sweatin the small stuff, to all the mentally challenged criminally minded out there just waiting on their fifteen minutes of Darwinism. Oh, and on a side note, all my many inside sources called in sick and told me to fuck off today, so I’m on my own. Anyway…….

potato heads get all the fine bitches

From the “it’s not mine” department…..

Comes a story of this cop who’s sitting in his cop car in front of a restaurant awaiting the arrival of some of his cop buddies who were joining him for lunch. This cat walks up and taps on the cop’s window asking if the cop could give him a ride to his car. The cop agrees but only if the cat stands for a search to make sure he’s not carrying any weapons and shit. The guy agrees to the search and the cop pats him down only to find two bags of pot in his coat pocket.

And of course the stupid pothead pleads to the cop that the shit wasn’t his and that he doesn’t know how it got in his coat. But to no avail and the cop instead of taking the guy to his car, took his dumb ass downtown where it was found out that the cat had outstanding warrants for marijuana possession with intent to distribute. Let this be a lesson to all you kids, never ask a cop for a ride when you’re so fuckin high that you can’t recognize a fuckin cop car when you see it.

what…you mean you all can see me?….damn

And now from the “thank god all black folk aren’t this goddamned ignorant” department…………

Comes the story of a Mr. Mamadou Obotimbe Diabikile who was shot by police and arrested after his lame ass attempt to rob this bank in Africa. It seems that ole Obo would’a been in the clear except that he was greatly slowed down by the SEVEN fuckin pounds of magic charms he was sportin to make himself invisible. I can’t seem to kick this image of some muthafucker walking into a bank buck assed nekked, sporting nothing but a gun and a shitload of chicken feet and goat balls hanging from his neck looking all surprised and shit because people can see his stinkin ass.


Lastly from the “you know you’re stupid when” department………

Is a story of how over in Motor City, where two cops were showing some neighborhood kids how the computer equipment in their squad car worked. This guy walking by stopped and asked what was going on and after the cops told him, gave the cops his ID and asked for a demonstration. The next thing you know the kids were scattering like roaches because the cops were throwing ole shit for brains up against the cop car busting his ass. It seems that when the cops ran the cat’s ID thru the system it came back showing an outstanding warrant for armed robbery over in St. Louis, Missouri. Again this is a good lesson that you should never talk to cops when your stupid ass is high.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Afriend of mine always tells me that that is proof that criminals are stupid. No I say, because the smart ones don't get caught.

1:28 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home