small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: a very special edition of "sweatin the small stuff"

Wednesday, April 13

a very special edition of "sweatin the small stuff"

point that gun at me one more time and I’m so gonna fuck you up

I normally wait to Friday to do this but there’s too much fucked up shit in the news today to pass up. Like take for instance the shit going on in Wisconsin and the “feral” cat issue. And for you stupid people reading this with your mouths open, “feral” more or less means “wild, stray, running loose and shit”. Anyway it seems that voters throughout the state approved a proposal by the Wisconsin Conservation Congress to designate feral cats unprotected.

If the Wisconsin Legislature agrees and declares feral cats a nuisance like skunks and possums, hunters with small-game licenses could shoot any cats that appear to be wild or those without collars and acting in an unfriendly manner. Which from where I sit calls for open season on any cat that might give the appearance of running loose and unspoken for. It’s like if instead of walking out of the back of my apartment to hop in my car and stopping to have a five-minute conversation with the three or four uncollared cats that always seem to be hanging around. I could just open all kinds of cans of kitty whipass and start capping the furry muthafuckers to my heart’s content.

It seems that the original idea for the cat hunt was put forth by a Wisconsin firefighter who got pissed after seeing cat prints around his bird feeder. His proposal has raised so much of a fuss betwixt folks that besides over 13,000 people showing up at meeting across the state to debate the matter, the firefighter has received death threats from what I would assume to be cat lovers. A state official is quoted saying. "This cat business, we never anticipated that it would draw the attention of the entire United States plus some foreign countries." Well, when your state wants to pass laws legalizing the killin of stray kitty’s and shit, muthafucker’s tend to pay more then a little attention. It might also be noted that if this shit passes, Wisconsin won’t be the first state to do this.

Retard crossing

And from the “stupid people having babies makes for stupid kids” department. Britney Spears in one fell swoop has given validity to all kinds of shit. She just announced that she is pregnant with what’s his names baby, which also put to rest that old ass rumor that she’s still a virgin. Like anyone ever believed for a fuckin second that she wasn’t throwing that ass around like ecstasy at a rave party. My many inside sources tell me that it isn’t who has fucked the stupid skank, but who hasn’t. Rumor has it that she’s been flat-backed so much that in a mirror those indents on her back spell out the word “Posturepedic Mattress”.

welcome to Club Dumbass

Now fresh from the “you did fuckin what?” department. Freaked out scientists around the world are breakin ass to prevent the possibility of a pandemic after a nearly fifty-year-old killer influenza virus was sent to thousands of labs. The World Health Organization (WHO) has urged nearly five thousand labs in the United States and eighteen countries abroad to destroy the evil shit before things get all global outbreak and shit.

The labs received the virus from a U.S. company that supplies kits used for quality control tests and why the killer strain was included in the shittin kits isn’t known. Because the germ, the H2N2 "Asian flu" strain, killed between one million and four million people back in the fuckin fifties. And it has not been included in flu vaccines since 1968, and anyone born after that date has little or no immunity to it. So somebody fucked up big time and the word on the street from muthafucker’s that know about this kid of shit is “unwise and unfortunate and that this is really gonna suck”.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Belle said...

Another great post...the whole cat thing is hilarious.
Thanks for stopping by my spot.

4:28 PM  
Blogger Berry said...

You ain't said nuthin' but a word my man. Food for thought as usual.

10:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Put the gun down, Step away from the cat and give me a pack of fruity bubblelicious! And a sour apple twist.......Evermore

Sapphire Raven

2:08 AM  

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