small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: adventures in coffee drinking

Monday, May 2

adventures in coffee drinking

This morning I’m sitting in the back of the Broadway Coffeshop minding my business and shit, drinking my hot cup of coffee, “pour of the day with two sugars and cream plus a sprinkle of cinnamon and just a pinch of chocolate”. When I spy what looks to be a mother and her teenage daughter walking thru the door. Nothing stands out except that I couldn’t help but notice that the daughter’s wearing a Catholic school uniform and that the skirts shorter then a muthafucker.

Now being the good upstanding cat that I am, I instantly diverted my attention elsewhere since I didn’t think it kosher eyeballing somebody’s teenager. But whilst doing so I got to thinking of all things to have young girls wear at a church sponsored school, why the short skirts? Were the priests sitting around one day chewing the shit when somebody’s bulb went off?
“Hey Brothers I just came up with the greatest idea. Since the Internet hasn’t been invented yet and we all agree that being chaste in the lord’s service has to be our lot in life. How about just for grins we send out an edict stating that in all these schools the church is sponsoring the girls have to wear white shirts and short plaid skirts? You know, give a Brother some goddamned eye-candy and shit plus something to look at without breaking the house rules”?
It could’a happened that way, but anyway I’m sitting in the back of the coffeshop all by myself when but who should come wondering up only to park her ass at the table directly in front of mine? You guessed it, the short skirt wearing Catholic schoolgirl who not only sat near me but also makes a fuckin Broadway production out of crossing her legs.

I’m thinking “thanks god, why don’t just go ahead and make the little bitch trip face first into my fuckin lap while you’re at it and shit”? Then a few minutes later the chick’s mother shows up looking for her. The look of consternation that fought its way across Mom’s face was priceless and as her eyes darted back and forth betwixt me and her daughter, I could almost see the thought process working. “ohmygod, she’s sitting across from the biggest black man I’ve ever seen, ohmygod, she didn’t just recross her legs? He didn’t see that did he”? I figured it was a good enough time for me to go catch my bus.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger satyavati said...

Now would be a good time to mention that I have one of those authentic little Catholic skirts in one of these boxes waiting to be unpacked. And I wore mine with black fishnet stockings, lacy white ankle socks, and black 4" heels. Oh, and a white shirt with a black bra under it. I kid you not. Oh, and sometimes my father's black silk tie. Yep. I did.

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well at least we won't be alone in hell. Dam satyavati my mind was pure as an angel until I read what you posted. Awwwwwww! fuck it!..I want to see! I want to see! Break that whip out baby...Evermore

Sapphire Raven

3:07 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

Of course.. that was 1986... nobody wears fishnets and lacy ankle socks with heels anymore.

6:28 PM  
Blogger Monkey said...

Where is this Broadway Coffeshop please - I will go and complain.

11:17 PM  
Blogger Bryan said...

You sick twisted, lucky bastard!!!!

Anyway, I know we share the same freakish fear of the undead (I bought the Zombie Survival Guide and not for the satire) and saw this today

Even though it will give me nightmares for a week I will be there opening day......

10:04 AM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Of all the luck! Well here in good ole southern Luisiana we have a lot of catholic schools. These girls run around in their short skits all the time, giving men plenty of lewd fantasy fodder.

I will let my friend monkey that he can come to Louisiana and complain here too!

1:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well Greg I kow we have all been through that adventure I for one know a few of those very chicks you writing about. I sometimes think that it would be cool to take them girls to lunch over at Johnny Dares just for shits and giggles. I know its a bad habit to pick on bikers, waitresses, strippers, bartenders, and everybody else; but hey it really would be just lunch. And I would like to get a good look at the waitresses faces at that point in time when the real catholic school girls walk into the place for lunch. If I felt really daring I would even have them pick up the check or maybe their Moms.

8:39 PM  

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