small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: dinner

Thursday, May 26


I enjoyed the time spent in Port Aransas, Texas. It was real cool being the first one up and sitting out on the back porch smoking and having coffee whilst looking out on the ocean. I actually think I could get used to that. The town was clean and folks were friendly enough and I could see myself going there again even though the entire time I was there I didn’t see another black person. My friends told me that they spotted one in the kitchen of a restaurant they ate in, but that doesn’t count.

And speaking of kitchens, one night we all cooked dinner in the condo. And after dinner I figured I’d slap all the dirty dishes into the dishwasher and clean up a bit. Now for you reader’s that’s been around a while or those of you that’s gone thru the archives, you all might recall that when it comes to dishwashers I’m about as clueless as Betty Crocker at a hip-hop show. Some years ago the MAN had me deployed to Wichita, Kansas for a few months where I was staying in a Residence Inn which was set up with a full kitchen.

I noticed that every night when I came back to the motel I’d be missing dishes and shit like that. Never thought much of it until one night I came in all the dishes were gone. I figured that they pulled all my dishes cause maybe I didn’t pay for em or they weren’t included in the deal I got? So Saturday came and I happened to be hanging out on the couch when the cleaning lady came by.

I mentioned to her that I guess I neglected to pay for the dishes cause I see you all took em out. You know the look you throw out when you come upon some retard doing something really cute? Like rocking back and forth and humming whilst eating a snowcone and getting it all over their face? Well that’s the look the cleaning lady gave me. She pulled me into the kitchen and opened this door and there were all my dishes, sitting all clean and shiny inside the ??dishwasher?? where they put em every day when they cleaned the place. Fuck me runnin, who fuckin knew there was such a thing?

Anyway, back at the beach.

After dinner I put all the dirty dishes into the dishwasher and after putting soap in I turned it on and went and joined everyone for drinks and shit in the living room. We’re all hanging out talking when one of the girls ran into the kitchen where it looked like the beginning of a Three Stooges skit. Soap bubbles were just erupting out of the stinkin dishwasher all over the kitchen floor. It was the craziest shit; folks were scooping bubbles up with anything they could find. One of the girls asked me what kind of soap did I use and I pointed to a bottle of dishwashing liquid.
“This is for washing dishes in the fuckin sink, not for the fuckin dishwasher!”
How was I supposed to know that cocksuckin dishwashers took a “special” soap? But it was kind’a funny the way soap bubbles were just blowing out of the muthafucker. It took a long fuckin time to clean all that shit up.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger satyavati said...

Don't feel bad.. I don't know how to use a dishwasher either.

1:52 PM  
Blogger curmudgeon said...

Dishwasher - Isn't that a wife/girlfriend?

Try putting Mr. Bubble in the jacuzzi sometime. Bwah!

2:17 PM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

That must have been great! I have to teach my nephews that so they can show Mom how they can do the dishes too!


2:40 PM  

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