blast from the past…bits & pieces

is that a Maglite in your pocket
or are you just glad to see us?

Best quote of the week:

“You look just like my gynecologist, I always hated when he examined me cause his shoulders were so wide that I had trouble spreading my legs far enough apart, and I’m just a little bitty thing”

All this from a small woman who felt the urge to babble all this to me as she was coming out of the restroom at the Cane.

I wanna walk the earth. I wanna be one of those cat’s that travels the world meeting people and getting into adventures and shit. I wanna be the wind and go where ever it blows. But there’s only one problem with all of this. I not much on the talking. Maybe I can be the silent guy roaming the earth. Yeah that’s it; I’ll be a man of mystery. I’ll be known as the silent cat that roams. But I gotta do something about this not talking to strangers thing I got. I’d suck as a cabbie. I also want to write a book but on what, I don’t know. Maybe I could write a romance novel, yeah, I could call it the Rapture of the Bumble Bees or some such shit. I need to do something to leave my mark on this world. I’m getting old and times a short luxury.

In the small town where my folks came from they had this one guy who fucked a cow so hard it died. The cat wore these waders and what’ll he did was to sneak behind ole Bossy and stuck her back feet inside his waders and off to bang town he’d go. From what they told me the dude was built like a retard John Holmes. So as a result of this he ruptured the cow and it died from internal bleeding.

Makes for an interesting visual doesn’t it?

It’s a hot day in West Texas and out in the green fields among all the cow shit is ole stupid Junior banging the bejesus out of some cow who’s bawling it’s ass off. He’s wearin nothing but some old ripped up overalls and a pair of mud caked waders. He’s smackin that cow ass and singing old negro spirituals at the top of his lungs. Swing low sweet chariot come to take me home. Which is interspersed with cries of “I’m ah fuckin, I’m ah fuckin! Enough to make you want to pull the trigger isn’t it?

I remember the time I was driving my sweet elderly mother to the store and some old bitch next to me on the freeway suddenly decides she wants to drive in my lane as well as hers. Well I tell you what! I rolled down my window and started pounding on her hood at sixty miles an hour! If that didn’t pook out her panties I don’t know what did. She’ll look three times before she changes lanes again.

Hey, here’s a party trick I learned year’s ago you guy’s can do with your girlfriends. Get a real bright light source like a Maglite and shine it under your girl’s breast. If she’s had the job done they’ll glow in the dark. Saline not so well, but silicone tits will light up like a bulb. Just something to break the ice with.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"