blank fortune cookies suck

wanna fuck a rockstar?


What is it with me and the fuckin Tour de France, I can’t stop watching it. Lately I’ve been all about watching cats sporting the tight spandex racing around stinkin assed France on bicycles. But what’s really cool is that when I go to the coffee shop in the mornings, I can conversate with the best of em about the prior day’s race. But there are a few things about the race that fucks me up, like all the stinkin people crowded on the racecourse.

Goddamned, it’s bad enough if you’re in the pack, but you have to deal with muthafucker’s watching the race who insist on standing inches from your fuckin face screaming and hopping up and down and shit. Then there’s the chase vehicles and the cameramen on motorcycles whizzing around you. That would irritate the fuck out’a me. And then you got our boy Lance Armstrong, who clearly has “the devil went down to Georgia” thing going on.

“Ok Beelzebub let me make sure I got this right. I’ll survive the cocksuckin cancer, win all the Tour de Frances I want and get to fuck a hot rock star, and all you want is my soul”?

I’m just sayin and shit. I also watched this special on the CNN about WorldCom boss Bernard Ebbers, who has to be the silliest muthafucker ever. Here’s a guy who started a small company that after years grew into a billion dollar corporation only to fuck up leading the largest corporate fraud in U.S. history which earned him twenty five years in the slammer. I wanted to feel sorry for the guy cause I’m thinking here’s a CEO who maybe didn’t pay enough attention to shit. But after watching the special and seeing this cat in action, my thoughts are that ole Cooter is getting his just rewards. Not only did he cook the books and fuck a lot of people but the cat was a huge micro managing, good ole boy, dumber then a jar of cat piss, Kenny Rogers lookin, asshole.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"