small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: blast from the past...the Green Room

Thursday, July 7

blast from the past...the Green Room

The radio station I listen too just finished up an interview with “Diamond” David Lee Roth of Van Halen fame. I’d forgotten how much of a guilty pleasure Diamond Dave can be. I actually got to meet Van Halen in the mid eighties when I managed the music store. Unfortunately I cough, cough, met the band just after Sammy Hagar signed on. We were doing another guitar signing and we had Eddie lined up to do the honors. Back then I was hanging out and drinking with this pair of sisters. That’s sibling sisters, not sista’s.

Other then the fact that they could be uber bitchy at times they were cool to hang with. I think that when they were born the doctor must’a slapped em too hard. Also at times the sibling rivalry would get out of hand and I’d have to separate the two, though in retrospect I couldn’t think of a better Springer moment then two hot chicks hooking it up. Other then that they both knew the deal and oddly enough didn’t mind watching my back on occasion. One of em still has the award for best one liner from a female. This guy walked over to her one night and asked how could he get next to her? Her exact words were;
“three hundred more pounds and black”
I looked at the guy and said;
“oh my god! are you ok, that must’a hurt like a muthafucker, bye, bye now"
You gotta love shit like that. I had to go do this Van Halen thing and I thought I’d take one of the sisters along for the ride. I picked the older one cause I thought she’d be a bit more stable in a crowd. Fuck, was I wrong. We were all hanging out backstage in the “Green” room waiting on the band to show up. It was me and the sister along with the guitar winner and his date standing there staring at a table full of warm beer and bad deli food, woo hoo, Some kind of treat huh?

Finally the band walked in, I’m always so amazed how short these guys are. The only cat near my height was Alex Van Halen. The rest of the band was pretty short or so it seemed, maybe I was just tall. My girl was standing near the wall sucking on a beer when Alex walked up behind her. I guess he was in full rock star mode cause the first thing he did was reach down and grab onto some of that ass. Did I mention that neither of the sisters was sporting a full tank of gas?

The one sister that I’d thought would be cool in a crowd turned around and slapped Alex Van Halen right across the teeth. I freaked, the crowd freaked, and the sister was doing her best to break a beer bottle in half and fuck somebody’s drummer up. I ran and grabbed her and moved her to the other side of the room. Alex was pretty cool about the whole thing; he knew even for a rock star he had overstepped his bounds. I need to find her, I imagine that by now she’s probably doin the soccer mom thing and telling her kids about the day she tagged a famous rock star in the mouth, and the little rat bastards not believing her. I’ll have to send pictures of her hanging with the band.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


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