small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: Mr. Paranoid of the Ocean Guy

Monday, July 11

Mr. Paranoid of the Ocean Guy

what's that touching my leg? is that you touching my leg? please hurry and take the picture, something's touching my leg....


Remember my vacation where I went to see the ocean? Well apparently Bud Light heard about my exploits and wrote a song about me.
Bud Light Presents Real Men of Genius

Today we salute you Mr. Paranoid of the Ocean Guy
Wind surfing, para-sailing, body boarding.. Not you.. you prefer activities like flailing, shivering, and whimpering
(Please don't judge me)
Bravely you step into the water, one wrong move and you could be pinched to death by a hermit crab
(Tell my wife I love her)
Was that a piece of seaweed that brushed against your leg? Or a giant man eating eel?
(Ooooooooh)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light O' swimmerous minimus, because someone has to man those shallow waters, and that someone is you
(Mr. Paranoid of the Ocean Guy)

"and the monkey flipped the switch"

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Priceless!

- Corey

4:32 PM  
Blogger Grey Biker said...

At least you have a tan.

6:25 AM  
Blogger Assrot said...

That's your dick touching your leg because it is hanging out one leg of your shorts. The warm water makes it relax and slaps it to and fro. Careful a crab doesn't pinch that thing. :-)

6:29 AM  
Blogger Nightmare said...

WHOA! And I thought I was a big man! I'm am Tiny tim Compared to you! I think I will definatly watch my P's& Q's From here on out. Thank you Sir.

7:59 AM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

The only thing I would be thinking is, "Wow...Two women in bikinis on each side of me". A shark could have ripped off my leg and I would not have noticed

11:50 AM  
Blogger satyavati said...

Did I ever tell you about the time I was 250 feet offshore in 4' of water and the mackerel started to run? There I was in the middle of millions of mackerel thinking it was the coolest thing I'd ever seen, until it occurred to me that something; barracuda or shark; was making them run. There were too many of them for me to get out of their midst conveniently, so I just kinda stood very still until they passed on (about ten minutes). I never took it quite that innocently again. But then again, go read the story I posted about the guy with the alligators.

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HAHAHAAH I LOVE IT , I WOULD HAVE PAID TO BE ON THAT BEACH WITH YALL THAT DAY WATCHIN YALL GO Bodyboarding and surfing

3:05 PM  

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