small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: weekend update

Tuesday, July 5

weekend update

Due to the Man being an asshole about my money this turned out to be a very uneventful holiday weekend. Friday and Saturday I hung out at the Hurricane, and since I had developed a taste for it, I drank ice coffee. And what do I get for drinking coffee on ice? Shit from some of my more uncouth friends. For some reason drinking ice coffee was considered not very manly by some of the people I associate with. Bitches. But all that aside I got to hear some cool rock this weekend. I heard a new band, at least new to me called “be/non”. Now I’ve seen all the members of the band in various projects, and I was curious to hear how they sounded together in the mix. I came away very impressed, they played it hard with a Zeppelinesq kind of vibe and that was just fine by me since hard was what I wanted to hear, so “be/non” was a very pleasant surprise. Plus the keyboard player is hotter then a muthafucker and sweet to boot which did nothing but add to my enjoyment.

I was able to watch some movies this holiday weekend like I wanted so here’s a quick and dirty rundown.

1. Be Cool, featuring John Travolta and Uma Thurman. This was the sequel to the film “Get Shorty” and as with most sequels it was an exercise in what the fuck. Travolta looked and acted bored the whole time and Uma was just wasted. The only saving grace and enjoyable parts in the movie was due to two actors playing against character, Vince Vaughn playing a black man, and the Rock playing a gay bodyguard. As a matter of fact the Rock stole every scene he was in as far as I was concerned. Look for his dance scene at the very end of the movie as well as the video he’s in.

2. Kill Bill, vol 2, starring Uma Thurman. I’d seen this before but since I had just watched the first one the other day, it gave me a taste to see this one again. These two movies are a Saturday Kung Fu movie watcher’s wet dream. The coolest parts of the movie came during Uma’s training with the master Pai Mei, who was just a hoot to watch. And I’ll put the fight scene in the trailer with Uma going against Daryl Hannah up against any fight scene in movies today.

3. Hostage, featuring Bruce Willis. Again this is a movie where the lead has played the same character so many fuckin times that it’s boring. How many ways can Willis play the burnt out maverick cop who saves the day against all odds? Huh? Moving on.

4. King Arthur, starring people that I’ve never heard of before. As a fan of history I really enjoyed this one due to it being closer to what I consider the real history. I wouldn’t mind watching this again at a later date. Check out the one knight wearing the Samurai armor.

5. War of the Worlds, starring Tom Cruise. I enjoyed this mainly because it wasn’t played for warm sweaty hugs. Tom Cruise was workable but I would’a kicked Dakota’s teeth in a long time ago. I’m not a parent but is there anything more irritating then the sound of a little girls screaming voice? What is it about that peculiar pitch that makes me wanna break someone up? And her brother would have been the next in line for being such an asshole jerk. And can someone please explain to me how the aliens from “Independence Day” showed up in this movie? Didn’t fuckin Will Smith kill those muthafucker’s off a few years back?

But the special effects and the tripods were cool. And as a person who’s been on the receiving end of a crowd in full panic mode, I dug the way the film perfectly captured that aspect of it. There’s nothing more insane or irrational or scary then a mob of panicky people. All rhyme or reason goes out the door and they don’t give a fuck about nothing except for getting away from what’s scaring em. And if you’re the voice of reason standing in the mob’s way trying to stop em, you’ll do better trying to stop a stinkin stampeding herd of cattle with a switch.
P.S. Someone got hold of me and told me to ease up off Dakota’s ass due to the fact that her part was played as a needy little girl. Well you can excuse the fuck out’a me? Fuck her, cause when the fuckin monsters are coming and I say shut the fuck up and get in the goddamned car. The last thing I’m gonna deal with is a needy screaming little girl. She’ll get her “needy” ass thrown in the fuckin trunk along with her “I’m grown” big brother. Like I’m going to sit there and patiently explain everything I’m doing whilst trying to get away from the stinkin tripods and shit. She’ll either shit up or I’ll leave her “needy” ass for the monsters to eat. Bitches!

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Anonymous RD said...

Beck and Ebert. Straight shit on the mob scene. Nothing scarier on God's green Earth. And the band played on...

8:37 PM  
Blogger Bella said...

If the name Bruce Willis is associated with the movie, I won't even bother. I agree, the ex-cop role has been exausted for decades.

12:55 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

But i thought you *liked* it when i'm a needy little girl..

5:18 PM  
Blogger Death said...

Satyavati, words can't discribe what I would do with you....well there are words but they go without sayin. and as I write this I'm looking at something you sent me...:)

8:43 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Greg, you really like Dakota Fanning in everything else she's in. What about Taken? You loved her in that... I thought she brought a few tears to your eyes ;)

9:39 AM  

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