dumbass go boom

I’m usually a pretty smart guy when it comes to shit but then there are times when I don’t really give a fuck and I’ll go all Johnny Redneck on shit. Sunday over my mother’s was one of those times. I went over to ride my bike for a bit but it had rained so much that after talking it over with my sister, I figured there was no way I was gonna get it out of the backyard, at least not without sinking into a mud hole or leaving a rut like a fuckin prairie wagon.

Shit, I figured me and the bike together had to be at least a thousand pounds and getting stuck in the mud and trying to pull it out just wasn’t my fuckin cup of tea if you know what I mean. So I decided that since I had already removed all the cop decals off the side covers, I’d pull the pin striping off the rest of the bike, and my sister decided she would help me. So there we were, two grown highly intelligent adults, siblings if you will, working together on my old police bike, living la vida loco, redneck style.

She’s sitting in a chair at the front of the bike removing the pin striping from the fairing, whilst I’m sitting on the bike with a razor blade and her hair dryer removing the striping from the gas tank. Then we were both working on the gas tank with cotton swabs seeped in acetone which is a colorless, volatile, extremely flammable liquid widely used as an solvent. All the while we’re having a running conversation that went something like this.

Me, “you don’t think this hair dryer will set off the gas in the tank do you”?
Sister, “I’m not sure”
Me, “I mean it’s not like it’s all that hot and shit, right”?
Sister, “hmmmm”.
Me, “is this acetone flammable”?
Sister, “you think”?
Me, “good thing we’re outside doing this, wouldn’t it piss off your mother if she came home from church and we were all blown up and shit”?
Sister, “all that’ll be left of you would be your rings”.
Me, “you’re sitting right next to the muthafucker too”.
Sister, “hmmmm”?

"and the monkey flipped the switch"