blast from the past.....it's all about ass

I got up early Saturday and went to Exile Tattoo to see Chris about getting some work. I was interested in getting my right shoulder done but I wanted to confer with the boy’s first. You know what I find cool? It’s amazing the shit guy’s will talk about when there’s no woman around. We spent the best part of an hour talking about the virtues of toilet paper and bowl movements. Funny huh?

You’d think a bunch of tough looking tattooed cats sitting around a tattoo shop would talk about women or shit like that, but not us, we had our priorities. After much debate and spirited conversation we all agreed that Charmin Toilet paper is the brand we all like. Danny, the cat that owns the shop informed us that when he lived in Russia, toilet paper was at a premium and was so hard to get that most folks used newspaper. He still finds it amazing that an entire industry exist dedicated to the manufacture and marketing of toilet paper.

It’s probably a sure bet that if I was to walk into Danny’s house I’d find Charmin Toilet paper stockpiled like crazy. And don’t ask me why but this story reminded me of an incident that happened to me one night. I was at the Hurricane and some friends of mine came in and we decided to sit at a table in the corner.

I grabbed the table by the edges to move it out from the wall to make room for everyone. And as I pulled, the entire top of the table came off in my hands, how fuckin embarrassing. There I am in the middle of a crowded bar holding the upper half of a table in my hands looking like a fool. All I could do was try to put it back together and act like nothing happened.

But then to cap off a retard night I was later standing up to make a point in the conversation when I leaned on the fuckin table. The loose top came up and I fell off balance into a clump on the floor. As I came too I reached out to grab what I thought was a bar stool to pull myself up. Much to my horror what I thought was a bar stool turned out to be the ass of the women at the next table.

Yup, I full on had my hands firmly gripped around this strange women’s ass. She was pretty cool considering that she had this huge black man holding on to both her ass cheeks. I stammered out my apologies and sat my ass back down. My friends were looking at me like what the fuck? I ended up sending the women whose ass I grabbed a round of drinks but not before telling her how impressed I was with the firmness of it. Always working it, you know?

"and the monkey flipped the switch"