small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: conspiracy theory

Tuesday, November 15

conspiracy theory

The other day I ran into Chicken Little. Chicken Little is this cat that ever since discovering who I work for thinks I’m his personal pipeline to every fucked up nut job conspiracy theory out there and he always thinks the sky is falling. He’ll walk up serious as a muthafucker and go; “Greg, I was reading the other day, or some guy told me the other day that all the hurricanes were man made. What’s the word around your organization on all that, are there concerns?

I’m telling you the shit would actually be funny if it wasn’t for the fact that the guy is so fucking earnest. But I dare not crack a smile or fuck with the cat cause who knows what might set his ass off. Be it blinking street lights or the dog barking or the shape of his breakfast muffin, but goddammit it’s not gonna be me. But this time when I saw him I just couldn’t play Dean Martin to his Jerry Lewis any more.

He walks up and asks me if I was aware of the oil crisis and that all oil in the earth would be depleted by 2012? And that earthquakes worldwide are on the increase due to the fact that the earth is sucking in on it’s self because all the empty holes in the earth that used to be filled with oil are beginning to cave in because they’re empty. Then he asked me what the word around the office is and are we having meetings about it.

Before I could finish my sentence of “tha fuck”, he got this panicked look on his face. “Plastics are made from oil….ohmygod, plastic is everywhere….what are we gonna do when all the plastics are gone?” After all that, all I could do was walk away, but I’m working on my own conspiracy theory to lay on him that’ll send his ass over the edge. Let me know what you all think.

Do you want to know the truth about hippies? For 30 years, the Department of Justice has been suppressing information from you about hippies and thus endangering the welfare of all Americans. In June 1968, Ronald Reagan met with June Allison in Kansas City to discuss war. As it happens, they engaged in sex and ended up hatching a plan involving poisoning all the damned dirty hippies that used to hang out in Volker Park.

As a result, all details of the meeting were suppressed, as was information about dealings with PETA and their ties to drugs. A report in the Kansas City Star was mysteriously pulled from news stands in December of last year. The article implicated high-ranking officials in PETA, various policemen, and, perhaps not surprisingly, Ronald Reagan. According to the report, passages in the movie "Dr. Strangelove" and lyrics in Jethro Tull’s music point to a connection between these individuals and hippies.

According to a spokesman at the Kansas City Star, the issue was pulled because of printing errors. However, individuals who saw the original copies say that there were no printing irregularities and that the re-issue differed from the original only in the absence of this article. The lies and deception must be stopped. Don't let the government hide the facts about hippies any longer. Learn the truth!

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was just wondering. Agh! Fizz. Fizz. Were going to run this baby up to one hundred percent. Ack! Ack! Ack! Agh! Get off the island run! run! before it's to late. "hits his head" Ok I'm better now. Now what was I going to ask. Oh well never mind.

Abynormal Sedagive.

P.S. Great Story.

11:50 PM  
Blogger Nightmare said...

Don't forget to add that there is some concern that area 51 is not about space sliens but in reality it is a test facility for mutated humans. The government is just trying to create a species of human that can travel around 40 MPH but also has stamina enough to keep this pace for a solid 2 hours, thus eliminating the downtown congestion caused by oil fueled cars.

The tie in is that it is all funded by PETA.

8:29 AM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

You know I have many people aske me things about conspiracies as well, when they find out that I am Fommer Army MI and worked at NSA. I just agree with what ever they say and sometimes and fuel to the fire.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Berry said...

Yo, Chicken Little may be onto something. ;-)

11:16 PM  

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