small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: fly issues

Monday, November 28

fly issues

There’s something going on in our new office that’s bothering me. I bring it up to my coworkers and director’s but all I get is that what the fuck look. I’m trying to raise the alarm before it’s too late but no one seems to be listening. This new office is pretty cool, we got all the new bells & whistles and shit, as a matter of fact we got shit I can’t even tell you muthafuckers about. But the thing that’s bothering me is this.

The flies are dying. Yeah, you heard me right, we’re out amongst all the trees and shit and every time someone opens a door to the outside, flies fly on in. No big deal right? Flies are part of nature and if you see one on your desk and you’re quick enough you kill it and go about your business. But since when do flies just fuckin sit there waiting for you to hit em? That’s what’s bugging the fuck out of me. I mean god knows I’m not the quickest muthafucker with a rolled up newspaper, but to have the fly just stand there looking at me as I swat it is just unnerving as hell.

It’s gotten so bad as of late that when I see one I can walk up and flick it with my finger. The fly will sense me coming, the fly will even turn around and face me, but the fly never tries to fly away. It’s like they’re all suicidal and shit. This morning I dragged my boss out of his office and showed him a fly standing on the ceiling.

I made him watch as I flung wadded up paper up at it until I knocked it down. He looked at me like I had lost my fuckin mind. Don’t you get it I screamed, flies just don’t sit there until you hit em. Why isn’t the fly flying away ducking and dodging like flies are supposed too? Something in the air is killing all the flies and I’m gonna get to the bottom of it or else.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

its too cold for them to have all their witts about 'em. when in the past have you seen a bunch of flies flittin about in friggin november??? and did u know that if u clap real loud next to a flying fly, it'll fall but not die, but give u time to kill it. the loudness of the clapp fucks w/ em and they get all discombobulated and just fall. but sounds like yours are already fucked up and dont know what the hell to do. save 'em.....put 'em back out in the cold.
--so says the sister

12:50 PM  
Blogger Death said...

you use the word "friggin" or the letter "u" in place of "you" on my site one more time, I'm coming over to the house and I'll b spending more then a few minutes slapping u around. now go fix me a sandwich!

12:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yea, whatever.......U wish!
-- the sister again

1:16 PM  
Blogger Rusty said...

Your sis is right. The flies get slower once it starts to get cold. I had a couple in my apartment and it made it friggin easier to kill em. :)

2:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank u rusty.....LOL
-- the sister

3:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's pure magic. Take a fly and put it in the frige for about five min the cold will make it think it's winter. Then take it out and place it on the palm of your hand it will start to move again from the heat that's comeing out of your hand. It's all magic plain and simple. It's a little trick I learned about two years ago.

P.S. Yep he's loosing it. It's ok greg. It's ok. It's just a fly or it could be one of those spy flying gagets or maybe thier zombie flies that u have swatted already and thier back for revenge. You never know....J/K....LoL...Evermore

Sapphire Raven

5:20 PM  
Blogger Assrot said...

Maybe it's the stench of everybody's cologne or perfume that is slowing down the flies. In my office, I can barely move after I been there for an hour because of the stinking motherfucker down the hall and his tear jerking cologne.

6:16 PM  
Anonymous RD said...

Shit Greg, it some sort of passive gas thing and you are the only one immune - kind of like The Stand. Try slapping your boss around, and see if he just stands there. If he does, I'm right. If he doesn't, u r frigged.

6:19 PM  
Blogger Berry said...

I thought you were really losing it until everyone in your comments section got all scientific about it. Thanks for the science lesson. :-)

10:48 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

hey Greg...
..why don't you ask Chicken Little about it? I bet he'll listen to you, and I bet he knows the REAL reason the flies are dying..

11:23 PM  
Anonymous Andrew said...

Heres the deal see. New
building, new finishes, new paint.
All kind of solvents releasing into air for the first few months(like a new car). Plastics, carpet all adds up. oh wait,
you werent supposed to know this
stuff. Ignore.

6:59 AM  

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