fly issues

There’s something going on in our new office that’s bothering me. I bring it up to my coworkers and director’s but all I get is that what the fuck look. I’m trying to raise the alarm before it’s too late but no one seems to be listening. This new office is pretty cool, we got all the new bells & whistles and shit, as a matter of fact we got shit I can’t even tell you muthafuckers about. But the thing that’s bothering me is this.

The flies are dying. Yeah, you heard me right, we’re out amongst all the trees and shit and every time someone opens a door to the outside, flies fly on in. No big deal right? Flies are part of nature and if you see one on your desk and you’re quick enough you kill it and go about your business. But since when do flies just fuckin sit there waiting for you to hit em? That’s what’s bugging the fuck out of me. I mean god knows I’m not the quickest muthafucker with a rolled up newspaper, but to have the fly just stand there looking at me as I swat it is just unnerving as hell.

It’s gotten so bad as of late that when I see one I can walk up and flick it with my finger. The fly will sense me coming, the fly will even turn around and face me, but the fly never tries to fly away. It’s like they’re all suicidal and shit. This morning I dragged my boss out of his office and showed him a fly standing on the ceiling.

I made him watch as I flung wadded up paper up at it until I knocked it down. He looked at me like I had lost my fuckin mind. Don’t you get it I screamed, flies just don’t sit there until you hit em. Why isn’t the fly flying away ducking and dodging like flies are supposed too? Something in the air is killing all the flies and I’m gonna get to the bottom of it or else.


"and the monkey flipped the switch"