small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: I found this on a local music forum so I took pity and stole it………

Monday, December 19

I found this on a local music forum so I took pity and stole it………




...Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.

…..When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.

…..Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,” I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."

…..Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.

…..The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.

……Children are afraid of the dark. Dark is afraid of Mr. T.

…..Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them.

…..Mr. T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr. T in the chest. the result was the 80's.

…..Mr. T and Chuck Norris decided to spar; they traveled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.

…..Mr. T's chains are not made of gold, they are actually made of curium, one of the heaviest elements in existence. They were put there by the CIA to slow him down, and you're lucky they do, fool.

…..Mr. T is the reason the sky is blue. Don't ask stupid questions.

…..Mr. T doesn't breathe; air just hides in his lungs for protection.

…..5 out of 5 doctors recommend not pissing off Mr. T.

…..Human females have two X chromosomes. Males have an X and a Y. Mr. T has three Ys and a T. He's more man than you'll ever be.

…..Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.

…..When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in separate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear.

…..When Mr. T received his star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame, he made his hand prints after the cement was dry.

…..Mr. T once ate four 72 oz. steaks in 12 minutes. He spent the first 5 minutes laughing at the fact it takes Chuck Norris fifteen minutes to eat three.

…..Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.

…..23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
…..Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.

…..Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.

…..On the A-team, Face, Hannibal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr. T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.

…..There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

…..Mr. T always drives on the right side of the road, no matter where he is in the world.

……Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.

…..When Mr. T was circumcised his foreskin was not disposed of. Instead it was raised as a normal child, and it grew to love the game of basketball. Today we know Mr. T's foreskin as Shaquille O'Neal.

…..Gravity doesn’t exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt because they are shaped like Ts.

…..Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.

…..Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.




"and the monkey flipped the switch"

4 Comments:

Anonymous RD said...

Great stuff. We were standing outside of Ditka's in Chicago a long time ago and Mr. T drove by in a bright red Rolls convertible. I'll probably steal this from you and do something with it. Thanks Greg!

6:48 AM  
Blogger Rusty said...

I think most of those we can replace the "Mr.T" with "Greg Beck" HA!

12:58 PM  
Blogger curmudgeon said...

Good lord-a-mighty.

2:35 PM  
Blogger TBOB said...

Awesome! I pity the foo' who doesn't think that is hilarious.

7:11 PM  

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