small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: slingblade

Wednesday, December 14

slingblade



There’s this cat that worked in the same office building I used to, he’s employed by the building’s main tenet, which is some sort of giant insurance broker. He also rides the same bus I do but that’s not important. I’ve been watching him for a while now because his behavior is just for the lack of a better word, fucked up. I used to think he was mentally impaired from birth but now I’ve come to think that he’s one of these cat’s that ends up for whatever reason getting stuck in low gear.

You know, the cat that did all the drugs at the party, the cat that was always jumping off shit, we all know the guy I’m talking about. Used to be a wild and crazy fucker until he made one trip to the ER too many. “Yes Mrs. Smith, he’ll eventually make a full recovery, but I’m afraid with all the drugs he took and the ass kicking that followed, your son’s in for a long recovery. Goodbye fun boy, hello you snow cone eating retard”.

You’ve all seen the guy, wears the pants pulled so high he has to unzip to scratch his belly button. When you look at the cat you just know that the sky in his worlds a different color. And if you’re me, you always make sure you know where he is in relation to yourself. Just in case the voices in his head tell em it’s time to sweep up the trash, if you know what I’m sayin.

Well Saturday as I was pushing thru all the little crumb snatcher’s surrounding the theater where I was going to see a movie; there he was standing just inside the door. He sees me and goes,
“HI, YOU WORK IN MY BUILDING………………..WHAT MOVIE YOU GOING TO SEE…………………………………………WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE KIDS OUTSIDE?……………………….I LIKE KIDS……………………..BUT THE ACTION OF A FEW ARE OUTWEIGHED BY THE NEEDS OF THE MANY”!
I barely got out the name of the movie when he said OK, and followed me up the escalator. I thought I’d lost em whilst getting popcorn but sure enough as I set down in my seat he showed up a few down from me. I don’t know what it is but I attract cats, dogs, small kids, women with records, and the mentally infirm.



"and the monkey flipped the switch"

6 Comments:

Blogger satyavati said...

You give off that "caregiver" aura.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Rusty said...

Ummmm.....In that last bit, where exactly do I fit in? I hope you have some sort of extra category you forgot to mention.

1:05 PM  
Blogger your brother said...

Woman with records is not a bad thing.

3:25 PM  
Blogger JustCara said...

"snow cone eating retard" made my f'ing day. MmmmHmmm.

6:39 PM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Psycho magnet? I am one, the biggest freaks, male and female, want to be my best friend.

And my friends claim I am nornal. What gives I do not fucking know, but it does bug me at times

9:20 PM  
Blogger Sapphire said...

Now that's some scary shit that will keep a man up all night. Next time you see him just act like peewee herman and scare the crap out of him. That's what I would do. Better yet just pull out the camel toe. If it can scare my sister like it did that one day I'm sure it will freak him out.

9:56 PM  

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