small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: sweating the small stuff

Thursday, December 15

sweating the small stuff



From the “hush child, grown folks are talking” department………..

comes the story of President George W. Bush denying that he’s living in a bubble. And by bubble we mean the White House "bubble" of security, policy advisers and political strategists and advisors that shelter his dimly lit ass, thus leaving him a tad bit out of touch. Now of course ole George is in total denial about this and he’s quick to say that he feels like he’s getting some really good advice from some very capable people and that people from all walks of life inform him and inform those who advise him
……..”hold on why I catch my breath……..hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahaha……..cough..cough…………..anyway”…..
He went on to say that he feels very comfortable that he’s very aware of what's going on in the world around him. According to my many inside sources, what brought all this shit up was that Bush had been asked about an article in Newsweek magazine that says he is isolated and features a drawing of Bush in a giant bubble which supposedly represents the traditional term for the layers of aides between a US president and the US public.

Now to his credit Bush was heard to pout, "I don't feel like I live in a bubble. Unless you mean in the sense I can't go walking out the front gate and go shopping like I'd love to do for my wife although I may, and goddammit if I do I'm not going to tell you what I'm going to buy her. As a matter of fact I just talked to the president-elect of Honduras. A lot of my job is foreign policy you know and I spend an enormous amount of time with leaders from other countries, and they come right here in the Oval Office and tell me what's on their mind. And I tell them what's on my mind.”

Also when asked if he ever reads the news Bush said, “No I really don't, I'm interested in the news, but I’m not all that interested in the opinions?” And just because they can, my many inside sources have collected a few note worthy quotes attributed to George just to show how much in the mainstream he’s swimming. And keep in mind that we all get tongue tied right? Right?

"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it."

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family”

"You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that."

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”







Now from the “you’re too stupid to fuck” department………

comes the tale of a couple who during a ten hour flight from Britain to Jamaica decide to make a try for membership to the legendary Mile-High Club. Drunker then a muthafucker the couple who were seated in business class, decided to submit their membership for the 'mile-high club' in one of the airplane’s toilets. Things were progressing handsomely until somebody couldn’t keep her moaning ass shut and the British Airways flight staff became suspicious after hearing the passionate sounds of fuckin coming from the loo, which is British for bathroom.

According to my many inside sources the randy couple was ordered to uncouple and return to their seats but went ballistic cussing and spitting on the flight staff. The captain even tried to calm them down but they were just as rude to him getting all up in his face and shit. So the muthafuckers got hogtied and the plane was diverted to Bermuda where the loo fuckers were handed off to the local police.

I hope at least one of em got their nut off cause their currently being charged with air rage and may also have to pay the dime on what it took to divert the fuckin plane, which according to my many inside sources could be as high as sixty thousand dollars. You know that I can personally vouch for the stupidity of people who get caught fuckin in public. Many times during my years of bouncing I’ve busted people fuckin in the bathroom of a bar or club.

You’d think that muthafuckers would just own up to some shit and be happy that I didn’t either join in or call the Man on em but asked em to leave. But no, muthafuckers always took it personal, like I walked in on their stupid asses at home and shit. Maybe it was the strain of having to stop in mid organism that made em so mad. But you bust people fuckin in public and they can turn into some of the nekkedist fighting folks in the world.









And lastly from the “isn’t it time for you to shut the fuck up” department…………

comes a story of people with way too much time on their hands. There was actually a story in the news today asking the question “is King Kong racist?” According to some muthafuckers, any movie that features white people sailing off to the Third World to capture a giant ape and carry it back to the West for exploitation is going to be seen as a metaphor for colonialism and racism.

Even more stupid is that these people say that the “implicit racism of King Kong, the implication that Kong stands for the black man brought in chains from a dark island (full of murderous primitive pagans) and with a penchant for skinny white blondes”.

Man, this has to rank right up there with the stinkin Japanese and their passion for Godzilla and that Godzilla is a metaphor for the horrors of having the atom bomb dropped on their asses during the Second World War. Anyway this shit came at me from clear out in fuckin left field.

Now I’m the first one to call racism on a muthafucker if needed, but seeing the King Kong movies as racist has to rank right up there with JoJo the bat headed boy. What’s wrong with people these days? Small people are bitching about the feet on the fuckin Hobbits. Super models are bitching that they wish they were as thin as Holocaust victims. You got your Jews for Jesus, muthafucker’s from the Middle East are bitching about Hollywood depicting them as the bad guys in movies. Pimping ain’t easy and the stinkin cows are killing the fuckin ozone from farting too much.

And now King Kong as a racist image, I’m calling bullshit on this one. This Black man is gonna buy his ticket and get himself some hotdogs and buttered popcorn and enjoy the fucking thing for what it is. A movie about a big badass gorilla who gets his jones on for a white girl and after following her back to the Big Apple, gets his clock cleaned. Fuck people for trying to fuck some shit up.




"and the monkey flipped the switch"

6 Comments:

Blogger Nightmare said...

King Kong a RACIST movie? Jesus Christ on a pogo stick what will those whinny bitch ass liberal pussies come up with next?

I know it is just the fringe of the weirdos that keep getting this shit in the media but seriously who listens to this crap?

I'm with you I'm headed to the big screen and I want to see a 40 story ape lick a blonde for 2 hours.

Besides you can't go wrong with Jack Black in your movie.

8:07 AM  
Blogger Rusty said...

I saw Kong yesterday and that flick kicked some ass!!!

But to call Kong racist is like some film and English teachers I've had who will analyze a book or a film for metaphors or symbolism so hard that they find stuff that isn't there in the first place. Kinda sad, big brains working all funky like that.

10:18 AM  
Blogger satyavati said...

But why CAN'T you do it in the bathroom....??? Honestly..

10:27 AM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

I think all politicians fucking lack the reality gene.

They should have thrown the dumbasses off the plane

Some people find metaphors in any thing. Reminds me about the guy who finds evil symbols in ads.

11:12 AM  
Blogger Bella said...

It doesn't matter who you are and political stance has nothing to do with it. It's all about making a face for yourself and getting your five minutes of fame.

King Kong being a racist - it won't get too far.

2:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Greg for president.

I saw King Kong and it is the best action movie I've ever seen. I've heard that there was a guy that played Kong and the fur was added by computer. It's amazing. Loved it.

Merry Christmas my man. Thanks for the great writing and wonderful insights this year.

Be good and have some eggnog for me.
MM

10:47 AM  

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