small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: blast from the past...chickarat stew

Monday, January 9

blast from the past...chickarat stew



The United States position on shit in the world is really confusing at times. What with the terrorist’s thing, the Iraq thing, and the North Korea thing just to name a few, is everyone that doesn’t like the U.S. to be considered a terrorist? Is that the way shit’s flowing now? We’ve been called morons and bastards by some of Canada’s highest political figures, are these muthafucker’s now on the terrorists list? I donno, do you know? Hell, I think that Bush can chug on a certain body part of mine till he chokes, so does that make me a terrorist? The stinkin French hate our asses, but they’re not really terrorist are they?

Just make up your minds whose a terrorist’s for fucks sake. It’s like something being acted out in the ole wild west, when the Sheriff’s posse rolls up in front of the ramshackle farmhouse and demands that whoever’s inside come out with their hands up. Meanwhile, back at the ranch across town the real evildoer is sticking all the blowup shit he can find into the backs of buggies that he has hidden in his barn. Meanwhile back at the ramshackle farmhouse this timid voice calls out from the farmhouse to the posse.

“Senor? Is no one here but me and my little burro Jesus”
“Goddammit, now you just listen up here boy! We know that you and your kind are just ah itching to ride into town and kill us whilst we sleep and misuse our women folk! So just come on out with your hands up and we won’t hang your smelly carcasses from the nearest tree”!
Meanwhile back at the ranch, the evildoer who had earlier kidnapped the schoolmarm is busy tying her across the back of the one of the dynamite filled buggies. Whilst back at the ramshackle farmhouse, the huge posse is busy unshucking guns and rifles and all the other nefarious killing shit they can find.
“Goddammit Pedro! If'in you don’t throw out all them goddamn guns you alls been hoarding and bring your stinkin ass outside with your hands reaching for your maker, we’re gonna come in shooting”!
“But senor, me and my trusty little burro have no guns, just some beans and chickarat stew”!
“Real homemade chickarat stew? Goddammit, I mean this is your last chance boy”!
Ok, enough of this, the sheriff and his posse who represent the US, are really after all the water (oil) on the land behind the ramshackle farmhouse (Iraq). But they have to kill off Pedro and Jesus, his trustworthy little burro to get the rights to it. While across town the evildoer is actually N. Korea, who’s acting like a rabid puppy, goading the posse who’s kind’a preoccupied with the farmhouse thing, but who should be more concerned about the evildoer who can do serious damage now. Make sense now?


"and the monkey flipped the switch"

2 Comments:

Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

That is what makes our foriegn policy so wonderful *cough*

1:50 PM  
Blogger satyavati said...

Reading this was a lot like being really high and flipping back and forth between CNN and Quick Draw McGraw.

I'm just sayin.

6:57 PM  

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