small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: the goddamn curling is killing me

Friday, February 24

the goddamn curling is killing me

How come I can’t stop with the watching of the fuckin curling on the fuckin Olympics? I don’t even like curling but whenever I’m flipping the fuckin channel and the fuckin curling’s on the fuckin TV, I find myself watching the shit for way too long.

It’s like watch a bad porno where the chick is shoving her greased up foot up the guy’s asshole the way I can’t turn away. But I keep on watching because I want to see how far the chick stuffs her foot and plus I’m trying to figure out the mathematics of the whole thing.

The shit’s like fuckin shuffle board isn’t it except with the big thingies and the brooms and the fuckin ice and all that right? I think it’s the look on the face of all the players that stop all my forward motion. Fuck, I’ve seen muthafucker’s with guns in their faces that didn’t have half the fuckin intensity these muthafuckers do.

And instead of spending my time on the Internet as god intended, finding porn, I find myself searching for information on curling. How fucked up have I become? Next thing you know, I’ll be buying tickets to Brokeback Mountain or Broadway shows, or gods forbid, watching ice skating or “shiver” hockey.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger curmudgeon said...

Hey, I know - let's go watch some paint dry next, k?

3:07 PM  
Anonymous monkeyhawk said...

It making a "sport" out of sweeping your sidewalk the morning of a light snowfall.

It isn't a sport.

But there are plenty of non-sports that make it on ESPN.

It isn't a *sport* unless somebody's playing defense.

Golf isn't a "sport." It may take skill, concentration, and years of practice but without anyone playing defense, it's like darts in a pub.

Racing -- on ice, on a track -- anything with lanes, is not a sport; it's a contest. NASCAR (which I'm no fan of) and other kinds of races where it's possible to interfere with another racer has a modicum of defense involved. So it's a demi-sport. Pool, which can involve leaving a bad shot for your opponent, is a semi-demi-sport. Curling is a semi-demi-sport.

Figure skating is hard and takes tremendous athletic ability, but it's not a sport. Jumping off a mountain at 60 mph is scary as hell and takes a lot of ability. But it's not a sport unless your opponents are halfway down the ramp takin' shots at ya.

Basketball is a *sport.* Baseball is a *sport!* Football (American and foreign forms) is a *sport.* Even hockey is a *sport* (although I never trusted a game that didn't have a half-time).

Bowling is an excuse to drink beer.

12:37 AM  
Blogger Nightmare said...

OH fuck I'm still laughing! That is some funny shit and I agree, it is like crack for your eyes, and bad car wreck all rolled into one.

9:08 AM  
Blogger MAXUS said...

Goddamn it, why did you have to put that link in there to information on curling?


9:23 AM  
Blogger Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Maybe it is the fact that you can't believe that shit is actually called a sport. Like poker on ESPN how stupid is that fucking shit.

Maybe if they had women curling naked, then I would call it a sport.

2:36 PM  

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