small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: human nature

Tuesday, February 14

human nature

Last night before bed I’m watching this shit on the History channel showing the pretend deconstruction of an alien spacecraft. I found the whole thing highly entertaining but the arrogance of it all amazed me. The alien craft had all the latest goodies and shit like laser projectors, antimatter cannons, and teleporters amongst other shit. And I had to call bullshit when the narrator explained that even though aliens had acquired all this advance technology, they most likely got the idea from us since it mirrors our science fiction so closely.

The show discussed all the technology found on the spacecraft and our, meaning America’s current status with said technology, like antimatter. Now any muthafucker with half a brain understands that if a particle of matter meets its antimatter equivalent there’s gonna be some fucked up shit like an explosion in the multi megaton range. And then the fuckin show explains that muthafuckers here are producing antimatter? And they’re storing the antimatter they produce in an electromagnetic medium?

And that because I work for the MAN I know that shit probably came from the lowest bidder and even though it’s only a few atomic particles which ain’t really much at all but like damn its still antimatter? It’s like why do muthafucker’s insist on producing and making the deadliest shit they can in the name of science? Yeah and when you ask these Rubik’s Cube playing cocksuckers why we always get the same stock answer. “Oh so we can fully understand the dangers of such said shit and how to deal with it if we should ever come across it”.

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I don’t need to run up on a stinkin grizzly bear and piss on its foot to understand that’s it’s gonna tear my fuckin head off and after eating my fat ass, shit me out all over the goddamned woods. But I guess that’s human nature to be curious about some shit. I can just imagine how it was back in the Paleo-what the fuck age with the Neanderthals. These muthafucker’s had no concept of fire or what to do with it. All they knew was that fire hurt if they touched it but at the same time made em feel good.

So these early muthafuckers are hanging outside the cave and shit sucking lice out of each other’s asses watching this thunderstorm when suddenly a bolt of lighting strikes this Paleo-what the fuck bison just minding his own business out by the stream.
“Hey Jimmy, are you checking this shit out”?

“Yo Tommy what’s up buddy”?

“The jagged fire stick from the sky thingie just killed the big pointy horn thingie out by the water”.

“Word, really? Let’s go check it out”.

“Damn Tommy, something smells good like a muthafucker out here”.

“Wow, I think it’s the pointy horn thingie smelling like that, but I don’t ever recall them smelling this goddamned good before”.

“And check it out, it’s all split apart and hot to the touch, think it’s ok to eat it”?

“Goddamn Jimmy, like pass me the salt, this muthafucker tastes all right and it’s not all bloody and chewy like before, but check it out; the grass around it is still burning”.

“So let me get this straight, the jagged fire stick from the sky thingie hits the big pointy horn thingie. Kills it and suddenly it’s all tasty and shit? Is that what we got here”?

“Dude, we so gots to get the jagged fire stick from the sky thingie to hit inside the cave cause that would rock”!

And so man’s arrogant search for fire begins.

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Bane said...

That was just fuckin beautiful, man. Poetry.

7:42 PM  
Blogger SmileDragon said...

Good stuff, love the post!

8:55 AM  
Blogger SmedRock said...

And the ironic thing is, I could see that happening. Great post!

10:27 AM  
Blogger Bella said...

That was the funniest shit you have written yet! That I know of at least.

I think WE are the alien's experiment. Perhaps. I dunno, maybe not. Who knows. We don't, for sure.

2:06 PM  

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