small brush shouldn't fuck with big timber

Death's Door, the view from the Spanish announcers table: Omaha Steak Company

Wednesday, February 22

Omaha Steak Company

Last night I got home and after checking my mail I noticed I got this thing from the Omaha Steak Company. It was a gift certificate for a cooler full of steaks, burgers and hotdogs plus a set of knives thrown in for free. The retail price for all this shit was over two hundred dollars and the gift certificate was worth around a hundred and forty bucks.

So all I had to do was cough up maybe sixty dollars and all this meaty goodness would be mine. But it’s like I always tell the baggy pants wearing kids, if the shit sounds too good then its shit. So I started reading all the paperwork looking for the catch, cause I knew there had to be one there somewhere. Cause where’s the profit in giving a muthafucker a bunch of shit for almost nothing, right?

I went on the Omaha Steaks website and starting digging around, but I still couldn’t find the catch I was looking for. So I goggled the muthafuckers and there it was, the catch. I started finding all kinds of testimonials and shit as to what it was like dealing with the Omaha Steak Company. All the testimonials stated to the fact that the meat’s top rate and good as a muthafucker, and that they do deliver what you want in a timely manner. But here’s the fuckin deal, these muthafuckers are notorious for selling your so called private information to other companies.

And farther more once you buy their shit they will hound your ass at home, at work, send you email after email to keep buying their meat. I found testimonial after testimonial, website after website from people who all said the same thing. Love their meat, but hate the phone calls and all the other shit. So with me being a guy who only gets maybe four phone calls a week and hates talking on the phone and would rather get ass punched by monkeys then deal with telemarketers I tore the paperwork up. I think I’ll keep buying the questionable meat at the ghetto market here in town or am I being overly paranoid?

"and the monkey flipped the switch"


Blogger Xavier Onassis said...

That ghetto meat has got to be better than whetever the hell it is they got on those door to door meat trucks. I'd never trust that shit.

10:18 AM  
Blogger LL said...

Hmmmmmmm, does purchasing their meat mean that you have accepted the condition to get telemarketing calls? Cuz if not, put yourself on the Do Not Call list and tell 'em to fuck off. If they bother you some more, well, you can report them and they'll get fined out the ASS for continuing to contact you.

10:57 AM  
Blogger Nightmare said...

I got the same shit and promptly threw it away. Those fuckers can suck my ass hair.

1:43 PM  
Blogger Circa Bellum said...

naw man, we bought that stuff, it's great and we have yet to get a call. We even bought it for Christmas presents for various parents and shit, everybody loved it. We haven't even gotten anything else in the mail yet. I think it's a good deal if you're a carnivore like me...

8:13 AM  

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